No Wonder Celtic Fans Are Laughing As The Record Promotes Tik-Tok-Todd’s Dressing Room Talents.

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When it comes to writing inane drivel, our sportswriters are in a class of their own and they always have been. They obsess over the stupidest things. They get excited over the most puerile garbage. They promote the most obvious rubbish, and especially at Ibrox.

Yesterday they were bigging up the AC Milan reserve because of a goal he scored in training.

You cannot get more ludicrous than that. Or so I thought, and yet somehow they managed it when in another piece they extolled the virtues of Todd Cantwell and his value to the Ibrox club. As a dressing room DJ. Celtic fans, be afraid. Tik-Tok-Todd has hidden talents.

Quite why this is a big deal I do not know.

Quite what it is meant to mean to Scottish football I am not quite sure.

These skills are of no value whatsoever out on the football field, and I’m willing to bet that Cantwell is not the dressing room’s most popular player over there.

He might have a handful of mates, but a committed squad would not be indulging this guy for even five minutes. He embarrasses himself, yes, but he makes the whole club seem more dysfunctional than it already is when he is posting his cryptic nonsense and his pitiful highlight reels.

It makes them all look undisciplined, and turns the fans against them.

He might not be at Ibrox much longer of course, if the sales patter is true, but I think the hopes they harbour that some other team is going to be conned by the hype that surrounds him and makes a move is fanciful at best.

Between his up and down form and his obvious attitude problem, there is enough to keep agents from ever recommending him.

It was The Mooch who thought that he was a player.

Without his interest in bringing him to Ibrox, this guy would be putting on his show in League One.

Norwich had clearly had more than enough of him. I bet they couldn’t believe their luck when the Ibrox club came calling offering money. He has never come close to living up to all the hysterical coverage that has occasionally been blown up around him. One good game in four? Five?

The Ibrox fans know what they are watching, and they don’t like it. Even the hacks who were pushing this rubbish yesterday about how good he is for morale know that he’s a bust, and that the best thing the club can do is move him if … if they can haha.

He doesn’t flatter to deceive, he just deceives. Todd Cantwell has conned people into believing he’s a footballer. He has skills, but he’s a show pony.

His version of the game is the same one as those performers who can do 5000 keepie-ups or walk with the ball balanced on their head.

There is a show on Netflix called Untold. It’s a series of brilliant sport stories, and one of them is about the basketball clothing line And1. They made their name promoting street-ball, and the players who earned their nicknames playing on backlots and in park courts. That’s what Cantwell reminds me of. He has a few tricks, but he doesn’t have the stuff for the NBA. He’s not even a luxury player. He’s a passenger they can’t afford to carry.

You can tell a mile away with this guy that he is never going to be the footballer some of them have convinced themselves that he is. He’s missing so many of the pieces that make one up. Callum McGregor, who has everything he doesn’t, sussed him in two minutes and that’s why he makes a point of openly baiting him out on the pitch.

I don’t know who that story was for yesterday. Opposing scouts maybe.

“Hey, he raises the spirits in the dressing room after a routine defeat against their rivals.”

Gentlemen, form an orderly queue.

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  • Tony B says:

    Every story like this they print just highlights the scorn and derision in which they hold their core readership: the huns – the stupidest fans in football.

  • Roonsa says:

    I have to be honest and say that I was keeping an eye on Cuntwell when he was playing in the EPL with Norwich. I thought there was potential there because I liked his aggressive style and he had some nice touches. He could score goals too. But I did see him as a bit of a lightweight who would need to massively improve his physicality if he were to progress.

    It seems to me he has decided to focus on the more social aspects of his role at a football club. Self promotion on social media, custom hair bands, DJ sets ( no doubt showcasing a tragic taste in music ) and trying to wind up the opposition with pointless barbs that only come back to bite him on the arse.

    It’s actually a shame because the core ingredients for a footballers were there. He could be playing for a much better club than he is now. But it’s his own fault. If he wants to be a show pony then fine, look at Ronaldo. As much as people don’t like him, he represents a work ethic that made him a superstar. Focus on aspiring to that before seeking the adulation you useless streak of piss.

    • John M says:

      Thought the same. Saw him a few live games against Sheff Utd and thought he was good. His last season was disastrous though abd NC fans wanted rid.

      Had talent, went to his head. The rest is history.

  • John Copeland says:

    Rumour has it that the ‘ Toddler ‘ is the finest , most gifted ‘ spit and polish ‘ boot cleaner ,that the tribute clumpany have had in many a long season ? Is that why he’s so highly rated inside the crumbling stadium in Ibroxland ? Put a price on that !

  • Ian Macfarlane says:

    The Record – written by arseholes for arseholes.

  • Clachnacuddin and the Hoops says:

    Ah well then, so it’s…

    Congratulations to Sevco (sarcastical cough, splutter, cough)…

    On winning ‘The Majestic Best Goal In Training Trophy’

    All ‘G’ Division Police Scotland annual leave and rest days cancelled then to protect George Square and it’s envoirns…

    Lock up your children and daughters – Pleeeeeeeze !!!

  • Charlie Green says:

    Absolutely agree. I think he has potential to be a great player if say, he had Alex Ferguson dealing with him. He dammed himself recently by saying he wouldn’t change for anybody and I suppose that means progress as a player.

    Gascoigne is another who could have been world class if he had been able to be coached as opposed to coming to the only league in the world where he was allowed to brutalise the opposition unpunished.

    Similarly, Mickey Johnson seems unable to be coached still failing to find that final ball when he could be taught to look up and be more aware of his teammates and where the the actual goalposts are and possibly taking more taking pride in creating chances rather than being desperate to take them.

    His potential, possibly to be wasted, is not in doubt.

    There have been many who failed to find that mentor, players like Paddy McCourt, “the Derry Pele” or maybe they just refused to listen to anyone and fail to reach their undoubted potential.

    George Best once told the story of being discovered in a hotel room with two blonds surrounded by empty champagne bottles and being told he was wasting his potential
    So I suppose there is that!

  • JimBhoy says:

    Thought they were punting him. Nobody want the dud!! It seems a frequent narrative down Ibrox-way. Get the papers to start stories hoping a suitor will come in with big wedge. We all know he will probably move at an overall loss or break even at best maybe even subsidised by the rangers to get the deal done.
    Chances are he will run down his lucrative contract and leave for free. Same old same old.

  • Johno67 says:

    He’s copying his captain (disappointed), who is a fairground footballer; more suited to ‘beat the goalie’ sideshows

  • The Joker says:

    Lol the daily sevco and Robbie Copeland put out an article yesterday about a new player scoring a goal in training at Murray Park,you would think it was a winning goal from the champions league final the way he talked it up.

    A player scoring a goal in training and this doughball gets all excited as if he was seeing his first scud book.

  • Kevan McKeown says:

    Can see he has some ability tbf, tho disnae want tae know when a game gets physical. Becomes anonymous and his divin all over the place disnae dae him any favours either. Maybe should stick tae DJin, no many tackles made in that.

  • Walter Chinstrap says:

    “Hang the DJ hang the DJ”

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