There are some ideas which are so perfect, so beautiful, that you just have to share them with the world.
One of those ideas popped up on the radar screen today, reminding me that as good as my memory of 2012 and all the madness around it was, there are others who have encyclopaedias in their heads and keep cuttings and screenshots on everything.
But first allow me a little segue before swerving back to the point. Believe me this is relevant, and you’ll see why just shortly.
The Republican Party convention ended last week and, of course, Trump was nominated.
But it was a weird affair, with a terrible Vice-Presidential pick and a dire speech from him which was received about as well as letting Michelle Obama speak would have been. The intro to Trump taking the stage was a bizarre piece of theatre involving Hulk Hogan … and I watched the guys from The Lincoln Project mocking that yesterday without mercy.
They are the old guard of the Republican Party, and the most extreme Trump haters on the planet and their attack ads are brutally brilliant, so seeing their guys actually laughing uproariously about the sheer desperation to attract “big names” to the convention really did brighten up my day.
And something about it made me go and check out the list of celebrity Celtic fans; maybe it was watching Band of Brothers with my old man yesterday and seeing Ross McCall on there which had put that idea in my head, but the moment I watched The Lincoln Project guys laughing at Hulk Hogan I did that, and that too cheered me up enormously.
The Democrats are the party of Hollywood; their convention this year will be something else. It’s one of those events which I wish I could attend because it’s going to be an emotional rollercoaster for a political geek like me.
In a weird way, we are the celebrity football club. We have so many fans from the Cool Book; McCall is just one of the movie star supporters past and present.
Wikipedia keeps an amazing list on this which you can see at this link.
So, when my old man drew my attention to a Tweet this morning from one of the Celtic online community, I could not stop laughing at first.
It was a piece of odd 2012 arcana, one I had completely forgotten about; a proposed “concert for Rangers” to raise funds to save the club. A concert proposed to take place at the utterly batshit venue of Stormont.
Check this news report out, and thanks to @joebloggscity for raising this on Twitter and for asking the question at the heart of this piece; is it time to resurrect this mad idea?
I mean, this is the time when you need to be thinking outside the box if you’re one of their directors.
A concert to raise funds for the club, like they were some Third World Nation. They could get their best minds together and record a charity song for it if they were really feeling adventurous; “Do They Know It’s Kick-Off Time?” or something like that.
Let me take a swing at this; I’m gonna give them their framework to build on. Don’t feel like you need to sing along, I’m just going to take a stab at some lyrics … and bear in mind, the song is being sung from the point of view of us, not them. Okay? Here goes.
It’s kick off time
There’s no need to be afraid
At our own ground, we let in light and we banish shade
But in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around your club at kick-off time.
But say a prayer, pray for the other ones
At kick-off time, it’s hard but when you’re having fun
There’s a world outside your window
And it’s a world of dread and fear
Where the only thing that’s growing is the flood of Cantwell tears
And the only thing that rings there
Is the clanging chime of doom
Well, today thank God it’s them instead of you
And there won’t be title flags to raise this kick-off time
And Clement will be fighting for his life
Where no hope ever grows, and the football never flows
Do they know it’s kick-off time at all?
Here’s to us, raise a glass for everyone
Here’s to them; will the steel beams ever come?
Do they know it’s kick-off time at all?
Spare some change
(Do they know it’s kick-off time?)
Spare a thought
(Do they know it’s kick-off time?)
Spare some change
(Do they know it’s kick-off time?)
Spare a thought
(Do they know it’s kick-off time)
That’ll do to be getting started with. That’s their song.
Everyone knows the tune. They are off and running.
The real question is, who’s going to do the gig?
And this is where it’s slightly more complicated, because not even Hulk Hogan is getting involved with this one.
The list of their celebrity fans is desperately, desperately thin. Wikipedia has its own list of them and one of those is Sean Connery. Dear God.
AC/DC, Amy McDonald, Lulu and Marti Pellow. There’s their musical acts. I think I’d rather be at the Concert For Celtic As Scotland’s Most Successful Club version. Hell, we can open with Rod Stewart and close the show with Noel Gallagher with Paolo Nutini, The View, Lewis Capaldi, The Skids, Sharleen Spiteri and Susan bloody Boyle in between.
Snoop could come on at the end and do a little rap. There’s no shortage of talent here.
Hell, we could have a separate tent just for the comedy acts; Billy Connolly, Frankie Boyle, Kevin Bridges and Brendan O’Carroll.
Who the Hell are they going to get? Grado and Andy Cameron? A speech from Gazza? John Brown maybe, ranting like a deranged MAGA congressional candidate who has just heard that Kamala Harris is the new Democratic Party standard-bearer.
I’m all for this.
Don’t get any ideas that I’m knocking this idea in any way. I don’t fancy the line-up but it would be fascinating to see what they came up with for it.
If they really are in as tough a place as a lot of us think they are, they’re going to need a substantial bail-out from somewhere and this is as good an idea as any. It’s certainly got more going for it than their attempts to sell off their playing squad.
BRILLIANT
Absolute class James, laughing my head off , brilliant work mate.
Angus young with the opening track has to be Highway To Hell for Deaco1872 and Newco 2012 tee hee!!!!!
Absolutely brilliant james nearly pissed ma boxer’s laughing, just thinking about marty pellow snorting a few lines,oops sorry I meant singing a few lines.
It’s a solid gold hit
Hahaha Good stuff James as always. That kicks off my weekend nicely. That bunch of clowns are like the gift that keeps on giving
How about: Elton Johns song,
FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND? Or its original title: Love lies bleeding??
How many more days can this pantomine keep going? The longer the better!
Ha ha ha The craic is brilliant nowadays, lets kill of the vermin for once and forever!!
Hunaid! – thought I’d get the obvious one in first!
I don’t know why Celtic don’t hold concerts during the off season for as long as it would take for the grass to be ok for the start of the season. Or an Irish themed music festival
Absolute CLASS James !
They probably hate Amy McDonald Cos she’s a big SNP supporter…
And ah guid old Sean Connery – The Jambo that deserted them to glory hunt The Hoops then deserted us to glory hunt a club owned by a bent cripple… Sorry Sevco but he only took youse on third in his weird queuing system of support…
Hell – I think Souness and possibly Grieg were original Jambos as well so second class they are there as well…
Ah I keep thinking back to your article and laughed to the tune of ‘Marching through Georgia’ –
Ha Ha, Ha Ha, Ha Ha – Ha Ha – Ha Ha…
Ha Ha, Ha Ha, Ha Ha – Ha Ha – Ha Ha…
Ha Ha Ha Ha, Ha Ha, Ha Ha,
Ha Ha – Ha Ha, Ha Ha…
Ha Ha – Ha – Ha Ha, Ha Ha – Ha Ha Ha !!!!!
Burke and Hare might have to turn up again
Tears of laughter James. Great stuff.
Also, I have really enjoyed listening to your recent Podcasts too.
Many many thanks.
Not as good a version as your own James, but a concert needs more than one song.
Once upon a time there was a Rangers
To whom we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed at our poor neighbours
Think of all the great things we would do
Those were the days, my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing the sash forever and a day
As huns we followed the blues
We’d play and seldom lose
For we were staunch and sure to have our way
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la, la la la la la la la
Then the cash rich years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If by chance I’d see you at the Big Hoose
We’d grimace at one another and we’d say
Those were the days my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing the sash forever and a day
As huns we followed the blues
We’d play and seldom lose
Those were the days
Oh, yes, those were the days
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la, la la la la la la la
Just tonight I stood before the Big Hoose
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the marble I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely fat fuck really me
Those were the days my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing the sash forever and a day
As huns we followed the blues
We’d play and seldom lose
Those were the days
Oh, yes, those were the days
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la, la la la la la la la
Through the turnstiles came familiar patter
I saw your sad face and heard you call my name
Oh dear William we’re older but no wiser
All our dreams are shattered and aflame
Those were the days my friend
But now we’ve reached the end
There’s no more joy, just one more empty day
The football’s not for us, I’m on the rugby bus
For our life sucks as the fenians have their way
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la, la la la la la la la
Ha ha, excellent James lol…
To expand on your idea, they could record that song and take it along to the Build-A-Bear shops.
That chain of shops could have thousands of Sevconians, all ages, queuing up to get their special bear made up with the song placed inside.
Press the Bear’s stomach and the song plays…this can be done ad nauseam!
Just think of the many new bears they could create as a keepsake with this tune…
Angry Bear ( an obvious favourite )
Very sad bear ( available since 2012)
Deluded Bear ( a regular top seller)
Onion Bear ( cries real tears when pressed)
Bitter Bear ( the original bear)
Liquidated Bear ( rarely mentioned )
Asbestos Bear ( comes with protective suit)
Copland Bear ( still waiting on parts)
And all proceeds going to the charity group at Mordor!
Gave me a good chuckle For the benefit of anyone under 45 Lulu was a female singer in the sixties who’s lived off one hit single -Shout! for the last 50 odd years.
She is now 76 and a bitter old woman.Watch her performance on Michael McIntyres The Wheel to see what I mean
very good james….mother of god…a concert for the huns, by huns , at the home of huns,,,jesus wept…
i read somewhere, an all time music hero of mine, the genius that is van the man, was/is a hun supporter…his music is always being played on my old ipod classic….it really fukn put me off him for a couple of years…yea i know, thats so pathetic…but have come to accept it and is back among my favourites again…i guess it’s his main flaw – among many…he’s famously cantankerous..think i would be too if i were a hun…
i wonder are there far more huns out there among the glitterati that are just too embaressed to admit it…
i recall during the lisbon lions years, connery was often seen at parkhead…fast forward x years…and he was a regular at ibrox, guest of minty…what a fukn dick !
Hahahaha some amazing comments on here!
Well done guys 🙂
Excellent James.
If I may here’s my take on the beech bhoys Sloop John B. You know the one.
Walked down the Coupland Road.
Saw a hun about to explode.
I asked him where he was going and all he could say….
Ah wana go home, ah wana go home
Ave nae ground ta go to, a wana go home.
Ah pointed to yon big crane, said all yir tears are in vain.
Yir grounds a disaster zone yi canny go home.
Oh yi canny go home, oh yi canny go home
Yiv nae ground ta go to, yi canny go home.