Mad Ibrox fan site article generates genuine laughter for Celtic fans.

ne of the sublime pleasures after a weekend like the one we’ve just had is reviewing what the Ibrox fan media is saying. Not only about the games themselves but about the precarious situation their club finds itself in and how they think it can be salvaged.

I always find it interesting when fan media suggests solutions, but, of course, football clubs have executives in place to come up with actual plans.

At Ibrox, though, at least four of those executive positions are vacant right now, which is staggering for any professional organisation. It’s further proof that the dysfunction there goes far beyond what’s happening on the pitch.

Fan media will always have opinions on how clubs should be run. I’ve offered suggestions on how Celtic could be improved, even though it’s already well run.

The difference is, when a club is in chaos like theirs, it takes far more than a few tweaks, and the solutions coming from their fans are pretty outlandish.

One recurring suggestion is to remove the board and bring in a new one that can magically find more money. It’s as if they think these people grow on trees, ready to swoop in and solve all their problems. The obstacles to this are huge, and even getting a new board doesn’t guarantee the cash influx they dream of. But their ideas only get more ridiculous from here.

The site Rangers News came up with a novel approach: the manager can save his job by selling five players. That’s right, weaken an already threadbare squad and that will somehow fix things. The logic seems to be that these five players will generate enough cash to build a whole new team. Let’s break down the five names they’ve suggested.

First on the list is Cyriel Dessers, a player so routinely criticised by his own supporters that it would make any potential buyer think twice. Why do they hate him so much? If there wasn’t a queue of clubs interested in him during the summer, when they tried their best to shift him, why would there be one now? Starting the list with Dessers should set the tone for what’s to come.

Next is Kieran Dowell, signed on a free transfer, and they’ll be lucky to sell him for anything more than that. Who is going to buy him? Maybe some lower league club in England might take a punt for a nominal fee, but it won’t bring in enough to sign a replacement. Dowell has barely featured and even when he has, he’s been ineffective.

Remember when Nico Raskin was touted as the best midfielder in the country? Those days are well behind us now, as he’s the third name on this list of players who’ll supposedly generate funds. Raskin has never impressed me, and it seems it took their fans a while to realise what was obvious to our fans from the start. The hype around this guy was astonishing considering how little he’s contributed.

Then there’s Rabbi Matondo. That one is laughable. They paid around £3 million for him and tried to sell it as a bargain, despite his previous transfer value being much higher. The press tried to convince us they were getting a steal, but some of us, this blog included, looked a little closer. If he was worth so much before, why were they able to get him for so little? Turns out, he is little more than a one-trick pony, performing only when it suits him.

The final player is Tom Lawrence, and this is the most amusing suggestion of all. Lawrence is out of contract at the end of the season, so selling him would bring in exactly zero pounds. They’d merely get his wages off the books. Maybe that’s enough for some of their fans, but since their manager rates him and plays him regularly, it’s hardly a solution.

What kind of policy is this? Offloading five players for minimal returns, further weakening the squad, and hoping that somehow fills the gaps.

The absurdity is apparent when you realise that this whole plan assumes someone actually wants these players. Who’s going to take a chance on players who have struggled in the SPFL? January is a tough time to sell players anyway, as the ones available are usually those nobody else wants. Maybe some of these guys could be moved under those conditions, but I doubt anyone will bite.

But the whole point of this idea is that selling these players would save the manager’s job. This assumes the manager will even make it to January, which, at this point, seems highly unlikely. Many of their fans are already calling for his head, and with a tough fixture list looming, the odds of him surviving until the next transfer window are slim.

By the time January comes, it will almost certainly be over already.

The board will face a stark choice soon: stick with him and spend in January, or sack him and start fresh with someone new. But sacking him will be costly, and that expense might eat into any funds they could’ve spent in January anyway.

It’s a dilemma you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy – except they are our worst enemy, and I do wish it on them and I can’t help but enjoy it.

Their fan media is serving up pure comedy gold at the moment. This particular article might be my favourite of the weekend, as it perfectly illustrates how limited their options really are.