As we headed into Monday, I thought the funniest thing I’d hear all week would be the endless replays of The Village Idiot losing his mind on Sky Sports.
I wrote about that yesterday, and the strange thing is, as I listened to it, I found myself laughing, even though I agreed with most of what he said. His meltdown was predictable—loud, over the top, and full of frustration at how things had panned out for his beloved Ibrox club over the weekend. You can almost set your watch by it, like some bizarre football punditry tradition.
But as it turns out, his outburst wasn’t the highlight of the comedy.
Someone else managed to provoke even more laughter—bitter and humourless laughter, mind you—when Ally McCoist went on a rant about Aberdeen’s disallowed “goal.”
Not content with just his usual tirade, McCoist threw in the ludicrous claim that he was speaking as a “neutral” and not because he’s anti-Celtic.
The idea that Ally McCoist, with all his history and his allegiances, could pass himself off as neutral was laugh-out-loud funny. Hearing him say that he isn’t “anti-Celtic” was unintentionally hilarious, like a comedian telling a joke they don’t even know is a stinker.
McCoist comes up on this blog periodically, usually when his genial mask slips and the uglier persona beneath it is revealed. Those who aren’t fooled by his cheeky, media-friendly personality know exactly what lies underneath it.
People who watch him with a critical eye know there’s more to him than just the easy-going, affable image he projects. He’s not some lovable, harmless figure with no bad bone in his body. That’s the image he wants to portray, but it’s paper-thin, and it hides something a bit darker.
I’ve never bought into his fake image. It’s all a front, a charade designed to fool the audience into thinking he’s just a cheeky chappie. But it hides a much harsher reality. And don’t bother bringing up the “he carried Tommy Burns’ coffin” line. I know exactly what McCoist is, and paying tribute to Burns, a good man, doesn’t change that.
That argument doesn’t wash with me, and it never will.
So, McCoist claims he’s not anti-Celtic? Who is this guy kidding? Does he really believe anyone buys that nonsense for even a second? His suggestion that a rule should be changed because the current one overturned an Aberdeen goal against Celtic is laughable.
What other rule changes would he like to see that would conveniently disadvantage Celtic? Perhaps a new rule banning teams in green-and-white hoops from scoring for the first 40 minutes of every match? Why not go the whole hog and just say that Celtic should start every game one goal down? Maybe we should ask him. Maybe the SFA should convene an extra special strategic review just to consult with McCoist and see what other rule changes he would like to propose. Let’s not stop at the handball rule—let’s get the full wish list!
His point is utterly ridiculous.
Since the dawn of football, since the very rules of the game were written, it’s been clear that there are certain parts of the body you can’t use to score a goal. Hands, for instance, are strictly off-limits. You can’t use your hand to score, intentionally or not.
Now McCoist wants to introduce “intent” into the discussion?
He’s actually arguing that intent should be a factor in determining whether a handball goal should stand. How exactly do you prove intent in a situation like that? How do you even begin to measure something so subjective? The idea is too stupid to seriously debate, and it’s no wonder the rest of us are shaking our heads at it.
Des Roache called this out the other day, and I wrote about that yesterday too.
Roache rightly pointed out that people trying to claim VAR cost Aberdeen the game were pathetic. VAR didn’t make some controversial or complicated decision—it simply applied one of the simplest, most fundamental rules in football.
You can’t score with your hand, period.
This isn’t a grey area. It’s been that way since football was invented.
On the other hand (pun fully intended), the handball rule in the penalty area is a total shambles. It’s vague, it’s overcomplicated, and it’s ripe for abuse. There’s so much ambiguity in it, and that’s why it causes so many problems. Say what you like about the rule that disallows handball goals—it’s crystal clear. No matter the circumstances, intentional or accidental, it doesn’t count. There’s no grey area. And there shouldn’t be.
For a while now, I’ve held the view that the handball rule in the penalty area should be just as clear. If the ball hits a hand, it’s a penalty, full stop.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s intentional or accidental. Introduce that rule tomorrow, and all the ambiguity, all the controversy, and all the debate would vanish overnight. There would be no room for interpretation, no wiggle room for referees or VAR officials to make subjective calls. If the ball strikes a hand, it’s a penalty. End of discussion.
Some will say it wouldn’t be fair. Now, what’s fair in this debate? Fairness means treating everyone the same.
Yes, it would mean a lot more penalties, but everyone would be operating under the same clear and consistent rule. It would remove the element of doubt that often plays a role in these decisions. If the ball happens to ricochet and hits your hand, too bad. That’s football sometimes.
But at least it would be fair, and everyone would know the consequences of handball. It’s when the rules are left open to interpretation that we get the problems, and that’s when you start to see inconsistency in how decisions are made.
Unlike McCoist, I’m not making this argument because it would have helped Celtic at the weekend. I’ve been saying this for ages—the current handball rule isn’t workable. It creates controversy, it creates double standards, and it leaves too much room for individual interpretation, which in turn opens the door to cheating and corruption.
That’s where the real danger lies.
But these are bigger policy points, the kind of things football fans have argued about since the game began. McCoist, though, doesn’t genuinely care about the handball goal rule. He never has. He’s never once raised the issue before. He only cares now because he thinks it affected the result at the weekend. The truth is, we’ll never know if it did or not. Celtic had plenty of time to regroup and find an equaliser. The game wasn’t decided on that one decision.
No, what really happened is McCoist’s bitterness got the better of him. He was vaguely aware of it too, which is why he added that weak disclaimer—”People will say I’m being anti-Celtic, but I’m not.” Sorry, Ally, you are. And we all know it. That little qualifier only made it more obvious. The only person you’re fooling is yourself.
I cannot agree with you James regarding the penalty handball rules, even if that rule would mean that everyone was treated the same. For instance how can anyone justify giving a penalty against someone when their hand is behind their back and they are looking the other way? It is nonsensical.
I am all for going back to when the rule was ‘ball to hand’ or ‘hand to ball’, it was a much more sensible way to judge the incident. Human error of course will still come into play, the refereeing kind, but at least VAR, we should hope, would resolve most of it.
DELIBERATE Human error will come into play in that situation Johnny !
Like yourself and countless other Celtic fans, I’m having a fair chuckle post Killie, and the inevitable meltdown.
It is the hope that does indeed kill them.
Saturday evening the Sevconites were in high spirits and eagerly anticipating an Ayrshire assault by their team, and leaving with 3 points and thus, narrowing the gap.
Alas, the script they had written in their heads, did not materialise, and by Sunday evening, they were back wallowing in the depths of despair.
Their media pro Sevco cheerleaders have had to jump into the bear pits and suffer a familiar story, as they all dream of the halcyon pre 2012 days of triumphs, built on greed, profligacy and arrogance. Their death from those self inflicted wounds should have brought fresh thinking and enlightenment.
Not so, and the overriding arrogance and delusion, has brought them to the present day and a club enveloped in chaos!
Boyd is the regular figure of fun, when the meltdowns are in full swing, but McCoist, McGregor, McCulloch, McCann et al have had their moments too!!
It reminds me of a programme called The Comedians which was regularly on in the 70s and featured all the best stand up guys of that era.
They should rewrite it starring the numerous Ibrokes cheerleaders of the present day and call it The SevComedians…
What a laugh that would be …
‘Have you heard the one about us winning the league ?’
‘ Have you heard the one about us bringing Gerrard back, getting major investment and becoming the biggest club in Scotland ?’ etc etc…
McCoist, Boyd, McGregor, Souness, McLeish, McCann, Miller…what a line up!!!
Being serious for a second …what a club!!! HH
The fat rat gardener is a indoctrinated racist bigot and we should inundate all media for his immediate removal or subscriptions will be cancelled
Careful Peter, he might fake another hear attack,, the cowardly wee fukker.
I’m just thinking that I must be the exception to the rule in the Celtic support because I never find anything that any of the huns say…..funny?
Most of their snidey comments during my lifetime have been vomit inducing to say the least, and I have never laughed at them with true mirth, just the odd disdainful snigger. I sure do get great pleasure in their pain and in their anguish, that makes me smile, in fact you couldn’t wipe the smile off my face with a cricket bat in those circumstances. The most orgasmic of them all being St Valentines Day 2012, never to be forgotten, that was true happiness, and I hope I am still around when it happens again, for I think another such event will completely destroy them.
Then, I can die a happy, happy man…..10 in a row would also be a nice bonus. ?
Fat Sally Mcoisht is the worst snidely bigoted fat rat of them all , as convincing as his beloved sevco team .
Seems to have conveniently forgotten he was happy to boast breaking the new legislation regarding racial slurs within the krowd chanting his anti celtic rhetoric.
His knuckles drag on the ground like the rest of the zombie hoards , the media is packed like sardines with all the ex klubs players.
How he got a job commentating is beyond me , I can’t understand what he’s shaying half the time .
Yep – Agree entirely James – If it hits your hand in the box accidentally or not then – PENALTY KICK…
That way it cuts out the skullduggery devil like work of The Cheats with Whistles, Flags and Moniters…
They cannot even think their dark arts plans out that way !
McCoist, Boyd, Ferguson, Adam, all are blubbering wrecks.
Just like anyone associated with ibrox past or present, who are in agony at the thought of their 2nd club going down the pan like their predecessor.
None will admit that they are a new club, all are delusional to the fact that original Rangers are gone, Liquidated for non payment of money owed in the millions upon millions.
The current 2nd Rangers have not learned from the complete demise of the original team, spend spend spend what you do not have is leading to further agony.
Watching McCoist blubbering on live TV is hilarious.
Watching Boyd have his meltdowns is also hilarious.
Someone must write the scripts for Ferguson & Adam, neither make sence.
All in the these former ibrox players look like complete fools when they talk the talk without being able to walk the walk.
A business has to have a sound financial business plan to survive, ibrox doesn’t have one, the soon to be published yearly accounts are going to hurt, surviving on loans is not a business plan, it is once again fire fighting after the fire.
How long can a club continue to remain in the growing debt before the authorities act.
Anyone reading this would have been declared bankrupt.
Director loans are drying up, how long before Assets are sold to survive a short time longer.
1st club & 2nd club doing same thing is having a massive impact on their fans, the truth has to come out, stop the feel good deflection stories every time the pressure is on.
McCoist was the mgr at the inception of the new club, the money he was on eclipsed all the 1st 2nd 3rd div mgrs together.
That was the start of the financial rot with Rangers 2, a new team overspending on a hopeless mgr, combined with the overpayed players that stayed, the rot had set in.
So listen to McCoist he just rambles on, often gives me a better ache than a top comedian, the difference is McCoist is being serious, whilst the comedian is just having a laugh.
Should Rangers 2 not find a way back from the brink, please get the man with the white coat and straight jacket ready for Ally, or he will go over the edge, his two brain cells will be in emotional turmoil.