Today, of all days, The Record resurrected the “Trump almost bought Rangers” dirge.

This morning, the Daily Record served up one of its classic catastrophes, a piece so rancid, so bloated with rot, you wonder if any sane writer would hang around that newsroom. This isn’t just garbage; it’s a window into how far one of our supposed national papers has sunk.

It was another one of their delusional Ibrox puff-pieces – but calling it “feel-good” would be overstating it, as even the most blue-blooded fan would struggle to find any joy in it. I hesitate to call it “Hopeium,” since there was no tangible hope in sight. Instead, it was a wild-eyed “what if” about a warped moment from the past, one that would’ve gone hideously wrong.

On Election Day, no less, they chose to rehash the tale of Donald Trump nearly buying the club across town. And they tried to spin it as if that would’ve been a dream scenario, an “if only” moment that could have altered the course of Scottish football history. They’re not wrong—it would have changed things all right, just not in the way they’d like to imagine.

This article reveals so much about the mindset of those responsible for writing and publishing it. Are we seriously meant to entertain this fantasy that if Trump had bought that club, they’d be dominating Celtic, running wild in Europe, and blessed with his “vast fortune”? Were we supposed to picture the fans cheering him on like some divine saviour?

That last one maybe, for a while anyway …

The reality? Not a single bit of that would actually have passed the smell test.

Leaving aside for a moment Trump’s character—this is a man notorious for his racism, misogyny, criminality, and all-around vileness – let’s talk about his businesses.

Trump has been bankrupt more times than Craig Whyte! He’s duped regulators, misled investors, and scammed customers left and right. His so-called “university” was so obviously a racket that it was shut down outright. The Daily Record might fancy the idea of someone like that at the helm of one of Scotland’s “biggest clubs,” but to see it as anything other than a total horror show is ridiculous. If they believe he would’ve swooped in like some benevolent billionaire, ready to throw around his cash and bolster the club, they’re living in a parallel universe.

Did they not catch any of Michael Cohen’s damning testimony?

Cohen, one of the insiders who ran Trump’s empire, confirmed that Trump’s business style was singularly tight-fisted. Here’s a man who bullied NATO countries into paying more because he believed America was being shortchanged. Even if Trump didn’t come with all the horrible baggage, his business style alone suggests he wouldn’t have splashed a penny more than he had to. He’d rather burn his dollars than let them benefit someone else.

If they think Mike Ashley was a nightmare, Trump would have made him look like the Man City owners.

Imagine the boost to our game if the President of the United States had owned a Scottish football club! That’s what they are suggesting.

That situation wouldn’t have lasted long either. By his first impeachment—assuming he wasn’t booted earlier for his vulgar “grab ‘em by the…” remarks—he’d have been hustled out of the game for failing the “fit and proper” person test. And let’s be clear, even this SFA, even these charlatans, could not have ignored his disgusting behaviour for too long.

Which brings us to the crux of the matter—if they believe there would’ve been even the slightest upside to associating with a man like that, it says everything you need to know about the gears turning in their minds.

Trump would have dragged that club even deeper into disgrace.

He would’ve brought new levels of shame to a club already dogged by controversy. And on a day when the world is hoping for his political downfall, for some semblance of accountability, the Record thought it fitting to resurrect this story from the depths.

To be fair, there was a sliver of insight in the article, although it was entirely accidental.

Trump, not that long ago, also expressed interest in another football club, Colombia’s Atletico Nacional—the very club once owned by Pablo Escobar. This speaks volumes. Trump gravitates toward figures from the gutter, people with the same unscrupulous mindset as him. Why wouldn’t the club from Ibrox have drawn his eye? They, too, have a rich history of corruption and rule-breaking. It makes sense out of the whole story as far as I’m concerned.

Yet, the most damning takeaway from this piece is what it says about the media here and about a certain section of the Ibrox support.

Some of them likely read that article and thought, “That would’ve been brilliant.” They don’t care where the money comes from. They don’t care who the owner is as long as there’s cash to throw around. Drug lord? Extremist politician? Financial fraudster? Bring it on, they’d say. They welcomed Dave King, freshly convicted in South Africa, with open arms.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: it’s this kind of thinking that’s the biggest threat to that club’s future.

They are why they can’t catch us. They are why they don’t even know where to start.