The Ibrox fan sites are filling up with January transfer talk. What planet are these Peepul on?

Sometimes I wonder if anything the fan media from Ibrox puts out will ever shock me anymore. You’d think I’d be past it by now, accustomed to the sheer volume of nonsense that flows like raw sewage through their platforms.

And yet, they keep surprising me, finding fresh ways to display a reality-detached perspective that leaves me scratching my head. Now, as we head through November, with December on the horizon and January not far behind, we’re being treated to a veritable parade of delusional fantasies about who they might bring in during the next window.

Honestly, some of it is outright unhinged.

It’s been a strange week, and I don’t mean in the usual sense.

I mean a seven-days-in-a-wormhole kind of week. That’s how long it’s been since Donald Trump was re-elected President, sweeping all seven swing states, and already he’s setting things ablaze before he’s even in office.

Last night, he announced his pick for Attorney General: none other than the hard-right Congressman Matt Gaetz. Yes, Gaetz, the guy mired in investigations for alleged involvement in a sex ring and other highly questionable behaviours.

His appointment has shocked even the GOP senators, some of whom are reportedly ready to revolt against Trump from within. It’s a bizarre situation—the perfect storm of confusion and disbelief—and under most circumstances, it would be the strangest thing I’d hear all week.

Except that, on Ibrox fan forums, they’ve gone a step further than even Trump. Not only is there talk of outspending Celtic to sign Lennon Miller, but some are floating the idea of pursuing strikers in the mid-seven-figure ballpark. And one of their publications even suggested that this might be the window when they finally capture Morgan Whittaker—who comes with an eight-figure price tag.

It’s all so delusional that it makes the political mess in the U.S. seem almost rational. Think about the level of denial it takes to fully understand your club’s precarious financial situation, acknowledge that the accounts were a car crash and that next year’s figures will likely be even worse—and still believe that there’s a £10 million signing on the horizon.

They’re living in a world where the rules of reality have bent specifically for them. How on earth can anyone believe this? How can they think this sort of spending is even remotely on the table? Yes, the Ibrox board has made promises about January, mentioning “funds” for Clermont, but that’s hardly a blank cheque. It likely means there’s limited cash available, perhaps for loan signings or for the kind of pre-contract deals where they offer a nominal fee to take a player a few months early. And sure, they could try to fund some deals by offloading current players, but good luck with that—if they couldn’t sell anyone in the summer, it’s not going to happen after an additional half-season of unimpressive performances.

They simply don’t have saleable assets in that squad.

But the reality of what’s coming in January hasn’t sunk in at all. Even a month ago, before Aberdeen took them down and before the roof really caved in, some in their camp thought that all they had to do was hold the line until January and then the reinforcements would arrive. It’s pure fairy tale stuff. It’s like if HMRC showed up at your door tomorrow, informed you that you owed £10,000 in back taxes, and in response, you decided to buy yourself a sports car to feel better.

What kind of world are these people living in?

Because it certainly isn’t the real one.

There they are, confidently discussing each position they need to fill as though they’ve got unlimited cash at the ready—”We’ll buy someone for the forward line, definitely need a new right-back, a replacement for Tavernier, let’s tick off an upgrade here, and one there.” They’re shopping for a squad overhaul like it’s a Christmas list.

If I hadn’t seen it all before, I wouldn’t believe it.

If someone who didn’t know about this pattern told me about this, I would flat-out refuse to accept that people could be this wildly detached from reality. But here we are, once again, watching them fall into the same patterns of nonsense. And the only reason our heads aren’t spinning is because we’ve witnessed this same spectacle so many times.

I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like living inside their heads. Confusing, surely. And perhaps, at this point, more than a little bit delusional. As January approaches, they’re in for a rude awakening, whether they like it or not. Reality is coming, and it’s not bringing the luxury squad upgrades they’re dreaming about. But watching them try to square the fantasy with what’s actually about to happen will be some fine entertainment.