Celtic’s January window will be nowhere near as nuts as the media seems to think.

As we head into the second week of this international break, people are already gearing up for the January transfer window. The endless speculation about what might and might not happen is in full swing. But there are two things I can say with confidence: Celtic are not going to make eight big signings, nor are we going to lose a crucial player.

I’d be genuinely surprised if significant sums are spent or raised during this window, and it seems utterly pointless for the media or anyone else to speculate about the sale of Nicolas Kuhn or the signing of Mathias Kvistgaarden from Brøndby.

We’re not letting go of a high-flying winger for any sum of money in January, just as we didn’t let Matt O’Riley go last year, despite the media obsession. And we’re certainly not going to bring in a third striker at a steep price when we already have two front men who’ll do just fine.

There’s a certain futility to these stories—pure media denial of reality. I know some in the press want to believe we’ll sell Kuhn in this window, but surely they can’t believe it. It’s the stuff of their fantasies, but none of them really expects it. To sell him now would be foolish, and they know it. What’s more, we know it too.

While the club from Ibrox scrambles to scrounge up spare change, Celtic have no need to sell. We’re not under financial pressure to bring in funds.

That’s their story—scraping around in the bargain bin. It’s not that we can’t afford to spend big; it’s just that our squad doesn’t need radical surgery to see us through Europe or the rest of the season. The really major deals can wait until summer.

Nor do we need to sell. We’re under no pressure whatsoever to let Kuhn go. He’s here, contracted until 2029, and the club isn’t considering a sale until it’s good and ready or the player wants to move on. We don’t offload first-team players in the January window. I can’t recall the last time we sold a key player in January, save for that unusual window when we moved Giakoumakis and Juranovic and brought in Oh and Alistair Johnston. I’m still not sure why those deals were necessary.

But in the case of AJ, I’m thrilled, as he’s proven to be an outstanding signing.

But make no mistake—there’s no chance we’re selling a key player this January. It’s inconceivable, particularly with one eye on Europe and the possibility of a qualifier or the round of 16 just around the corner. No club with serious ambitions at that level would do something so obviously self-destructive, especially without financial need.

I expect some business to be done in January, but I anticipate it’ll be a quiet one, with sensible deals where the manager is backed as we prepare for a big summer, when major changes might occur. But with some planning, we’ll come out stronger.

As for Mathias Kvistgaarden, I’m not overly impressed despite his solid start this season in terms of goals scored. I still don’t think he’s at the level we should be targeting. But the manager is in command of this process, and if he signs off on this guy, then I’ll trust his judgment. If Kvistgaarden has the necessary pace and power, we’ll be in a good spot.

That said, I don’t expect this deal to be done in January.

With two quality strikers already at the club, it doesn’t make much sense. For those suggesting we’ll let Kuhn go to bring in Kvistgaarden, it only shows a lack of understanding of football since they play in entirely different positions. Swapping one for the other is nonsensical. I may as well call out Mark Pirie of the Daily Record as the lead cheerleader for this bizarre theory.

I’m looking forward to January, to some modest strengthening of the Celtic squad, and to laughing heartily at the club across town scrambling to stay relevant, clutching desperately to our coattails. I’m not looking forward to a month of absurd rumours about which top player might leave.

But I’ll console myself with the knowledge that none of them will, making the stories a bit more bearable.