The media is pushing two Ibrox “striker targets” and both of them are hilariously awful.

It’s almost January, which means it’s nearly time for the transfer window to open.

And with that comes the predictable frenzy of rumours, churning out at full speed. Today, two rumours particularly caught my eye, and oddly enough, both involve the club across the city.

Even more oddly, both are about strikers — strikers who, at various points, have been linked with Celtic.

I’ve brushed aside most of the rumours regarding Celtic as we edge closer to the window.

For example, the idea that we might fork out £8 million for the boy from Antwerp seems a bit much.

Similarly, the suggestion we’re going back for the big striker from Bronby seems just as improbable, considering the eight-figure sum it would take to bring him in. I know we’re after a pacey winger — that’s what Rodgers wants — but neither of these players is going to be the one.

One is far too expensive, and the other isn’t even really a winger.

We’ll spend money, that much is certain.

We might even splash out on big sums, but that’s because we’ve done well in the Champions League.

By the time the window opens, we’ll know just how well.

And we can afford it, too, with £70 million sitting in the bank.

The question is, what do you do when you’ve got that kind of fortune just waiting to be spent? Certainly not hoard it. Yes, you keep a little aside for a rainy day, for when things go wrong — but, for the most part, money is meant to be used. If you’re not spending it, you might as well not have it.

Now, across at Ibrox, they’re getting very excited about the window, even though they don’t actually have any money to spend.

Let’s be blunt: they don’t have the kind of money that would dramatically alter their fortunes.

And this brings us to the two strikers I mentioned, both of whom are probably just about all they can afford — one from the loan shelf and the other from the bargain bin.

Let’s start with Lawrence Shankland, the obvious candidate.

He’s the one everyone expects to turn up at Ibrox and sign on the dotted line. He’s having a great season — well, I think he’s scored one goal, though it’s hard to remember since I haven’t seen him much in the BBC Sports highlights recently.

The papers have the Ibrox club in pole position to sign him, but my sister rightly asked, “If you’re the only club interested in a player, can you still call that being in pole position?”

I’m sure Shankland will probably make the move, but I suspect it won’t be until the summer.

He may sign a pre-contract agreement, and they might try to cobble together some kind of transfer fee, but if you’re Hearts, facing a relegation battle, you wouldn’t just let your best striker go for a pittance — even if he’s not scoring right now.

Shankland is 29. He’ll be 30 next August.

So you can tell this is a move for the future, right?

If this is their answer, it’s a bit laughable. Someone’s asking the wrong questions.

If Clement is still in charge, he might just get pushed in the direction of this move, but if he’s gone is the new manager going to want this joker?

And then there’s their other option — Leeds United’s Joe Gelhardt.

He’s yet to score a goal this season. Not one.

But his record is slightly better than Shankland’s in that he’s not had quite so many opportunities not to score, as he never gets into the Leeds team!

So, this is what a club desperate for a goal scorer is choosing between: a striker who doesn’t score although he plays every week, or one who can’t score because he doesn’t play at all.

Which one would you rather have as a challenger to Dessers and Danilo?

Which of the two do you think is going to launch them into the title race?

I’ll admit, I put that last bit in there for a laugh.

Because, honestly, what they’re really competing for is the crown of “most laughable signing of the season.” Can you imagine them offloading Dessers to some obscure club and bringing in one of these two as his replacement, only to get the same goal return they’ve been logging this season so far?

That would be hilarious!

When these are your options, it’s almost better to have no options at all.

When these are the calibre of the solutions, you know your problems run deeper than you can fix.

What really makes me laugh, though, is how the same media that is convinced their manager is about to get the boot is talking about who he might sign.

But I’ll tell you what’s clear: they’ll be shopping in the very bottom end of the market.

And their fans can bang on all they want about both players being linked with Celtic, but we all know neither of these guys would even get near our squad.

It’s telling that many of the hacks actually believe both would improve theirs.