Oh, what a world Scottish football is. What a mad, mixed-up, over-the-top lunatic asylum we inhabit. Things happen here that would be dismissed as too absurd even for works of fiction anywhere else on the planet.
I was down in London last week for a meeting with fellow bloggers and media people. It was a fantastic trip, full of great conversations and even better company.
My colleague Eric Knott, who writes for Read Celtic and appears on the podcast with me, and I had some fascinating chats with fans of clubs south of the border. They were curious, asking whether things up here really are as crazy as we portray them on our blogs or if we exaggerate for effect. They wanted to know if living in Scottish football is truly full immersion.
If I ever needed an example to illustrate it, the story that broke earlier this week would do the trick: the Orange Order of Scotland—yes, that Orange Order, one of the most backward, redneck, bigoted organisations on the planet—has filed a formal complaint with Police Scotland. Their gripe? A banner displayed by Hibs fans at Celtic Park. They’re accusing Hibs supporters of committing a hate crime.
Let me repeat that for emphasis, because it’s so absurd it takes a moment to sink in. The Orange Order of Scotland has accused Hibs fans of a hate crime because they brought a cheeky banner to Celtic Park.
When I first read it, I had to check the date on the article to make sure it wasn’t April Fool’s Day. But no, this is real. This isn’t satire or black comedy. It’s actually happening. The Orange Order of Scotland is accusing people of bigotry and dabbling in hate.
It’s mind-bending, isn’t it? Imagine explaining to an outsider who the Orange Order is, with their reputation for supremacist and sectarian attitudes, and then telling them this story. They’d laugh you out of the room.
What this brings home to me, and something I’ve said for years, is this: those who are the most intolerant of others, those with the bitterest, most abhorrent views, are often the ones with the thinnest skin. They’re the quickest to take offence and play the victim.
This isn’t unique to Scotland, of course. Look at the right-wing tabloid commentariat—those hate-filled scribblers who target gays, trans people, Muslims, socialists, public sector workers, “wokeism” … whatever their chosen bogeyman of the day happens to be. They prattle on about their “right to free speech,” even when what they say is vile and damaging. But stamp on their sacred cows? Challenge their precious narratives? Suddenly, they’re whimpering victims, crying foul.
In Scotland, though, this phenomenon feels particularly pronounced, and the Orange Order epitomises it. Imagine this group— whose members are renowned for spewing bile—claiming victimhood. It’s like a parody.
Do you know how deeply embedded they are in certain political circles? Their version of defending the Union comes with some pretty stark caveats: no Catholic schools, for starters, in the name of “eliminating bigotry,” of course. It’s a classic far-right tactic—accusing others of the very things they themselves are guilty of. Trump did it masterfully when he accused Democrats of weaponizing the justice system, laying the groundwork for him to do the same when he takes office again in January.
Look at the issues surrounding Orange parades in Glasgow. Marches passing by chapels, intimidation of communities—these things happen. They’ll deny it, of course, but anyone paying attention knows the truth. There are groups monitoring their behaviour, and their reports don’t make for pretty reading.
These people are prime examples of hypocrisy in action. That they’re watching football stadiums for reasons to be offended doesn’t surprise me in the least. The most grotesque and offensive people are always the ones scanning for slights. The bitterest individuals are forever searching for evidence of bitterness in others.
Maybe it’s how they sleep at night—convincing themselves they’re the good guys, that everyone else is the problem. Of course they’re watching Celtic Park, and other clubs too, looking for anything they can use to justify their prejudices. Evidence that, in their twisted minds, lets them feel righteous about their hate.
Honestly, I wish we didn’t have to share a country with these people. But I’ll give them this much—they do keep things entertaining.
With most of them, it’s no even a spiritual thing, its a social one. Most hardly ever go near a church, prob only every time they march and couldnae hold a theological discussion if their lives depended on it. In fact, they probably couldnae even tell ye what ‘theological’ meant. Pig-ignorance in abundance along with a totally warped, blinkered, sense of loyalty.
I once spoke to an Orangeman who declared that he was a true Protestant and a defender of the faith.
I asked him which church he belonged to, only to be told ” Ah don’t believe in God or any ah that shite “.
This is who they are.
When you strip it back the whole premise of the Orange Order is anti-democratic. And I take comfort when I see the smiles and joy in places like Syria when dictators are toppled (Syria isn’t out of the woods and I pray that the ordinary people gain their freedoms and rights) that democracy will prevail. Of course the “old guard” will resist, scratch and fight but ultimately they are on the wrong side of history (blind loyalty to Kings and Queens died during WWI.
Democracy?
The UK & USA prop up & created over 75% of the worlds dictatorships.
Democracy is an illusion.
The USA has invaded or fought against democracy in over 60 countries since 1945,Syria fought against that but failed as the US stole all their oil and farmland after another horrific CIA dirty war using head chopping fanatics.
Remember Hitlery Clinton’s secret email that was exposed by WikiLeaks about 10 years ago ?
‘We need to destroy Syria to help Israel’.
Democracy! Yeah right.
The uk and the us are a democracy, you need to educate yourself mate. The Syrians were right in overthrowing a brutal regime who committed crimes against humanity to their own citizens, that scum country Iran also do the same to their citizens. Both barbaric and horrific regimes. In my opinion every country in earth should be a western society, in which it’s the people that have the say, when it comes to forming a new government. As the late great John Lennon would say “ power to the people”. That’s why you get with uk and the us, and every other western country. Countries like Russia, Iran, rule there citizens with an iron fist, were elections are just a joke, and everybody knows it. You need to educate yourself pal, the west is the best, it’s why everybody wants to live in the uk.
Volp has educated themselves, and that’s why they are able to see the illusion of democracy in western society for exactly what it is. I’m guessing your view of the world is shaped by state-sponsored media such as the BBC and CNN, who portray events exactly as those in power wish them to be portrayed in the knowledge that the vast majority will swallow the desired narrative and never dream of questioning it, let alone understanding their reasons for pushing it and why it’s all bullshit designed to justify their endless lust for wars and inveterate greed. In the age of the internet, ignorance is a choice…
James, you really need to read the Ibrox Noise piece on BRs comments about us earning everything we have. They lay claim to having a major part in our success by having to start again in the lower leagues leaving us to hoover up all the prize money!! Their lack of self-awareness is mind blowing! It’s hilarious. They then lay further claim to our success because they improved the coefficient so much that it allowed us to go straight into the CL. It was nothing to do with us winning the league of course.
James – This truly has to be your very best Journalistic article of the year !
Great picture below the headline as well – Green, White And Orange flag of The Island of Ireland and The Independence flag of Scotland – The Beautiful Saltire…
SHAMROCK & THISTLES ARE WE !!!!
Well most of us anyway – Those very few Celtic supporters who vote Butchers Apron loving Labour, Lib-Dem, Tory and Reform apart of course !!!!
Wonder what was on the banner?
Another excellent article James.
Remember late 60’s those fruits would meet at Logans Road Primary school walk along logans road to St Bernadettes church and tune up.
Just as mass started songs that an 11 year old could not understand bellowed out.
My introduction to culture started then.
Majority have “NO” knowledge of 17th century political history and the Vatican involvement with King Billy family.