THIS IS AN INTERNAL DOCUMENT FOR OUR PROPOSED CAMPAIGN … THIS IS NOT TO BE DISTRIBUTED TO THE PUBLIC >>>
It’s Christmas Time And There’s No Need To Be Afraid …
… if you’ve forgotten to get your loved one a gift
Because we have the solution for you right here … it’s multi-use and it’s cheaper than a bag of M&M’s!
Buy then in packs of ten … buy them by the hundreds!
They are perfect for ALL THE FAMILY!
For those who have everything … why not get them a whole load of NOTHING AT ALL?
And it’s so cheap you’ll buy them again and again!
That’s right folks, we’re talking about IBROX SHARES!
If you’ve never thought investing in a football club was a good idea, don’t worry about that! Nobody actually buys these for an investment anyway, and you won’t be giving money to the club, you’ll be making a charitable donation to losers like THIS GUY …
A single Ibrox share certificate will set you back just 1p!
That’s right! That’s not a misprint! That’s 1p!
That’s the same price as half a single Cola Bottle sweet!
And they are for sale in packs of ten! That’s right! Ten!
Not only will you get ten pieces of fancy looking notepaper but you will automatically be allowed entry to an IBROX AGM where you can LOOK ON IN AMAZEMENT at the array of Under 16 and women’s trophies they have brought there to look like a successful club!
FILL YOUR BOOTS AND LAUGH as questions are put to the floor about such vital football subjects as “meeja bias” and “the temperature of the pies”!
Be astonished at the calls for the “Real Ranjurs Men” to be brought in immediately so they can spend money on fulfilling the fantasies of shell-suited yobs!
Buy two packs of ten shares and get your own GIMP MASK so you can march with the troops!
But that’s NOT ALL … We told you these were MULTI-USE and THEY ARE!
Ibrox share certificates are SO CHEAP that people have found a variety of uses! These include:
Door Stops!
You can balance a TABLE by folding one and popping it under a wobbly leg!
You can paper over cracks in the wallpaper with them!
Your kids can make them into PAPER AIRPLANES! That’ll liven up Xmas dinner!
Some have used them as confetti!
That’s right! These are so cheap people have literally shredded them AND THROWN THEM AWAY FOR ENTERTAINMENT!
And of course!
In this era of SHORTAGES where you never know when the shops will run out of DAY TO DAY SUPPLIES there’s the use people have found most helpful!
That’s right!
You can literally use them as TOILET PAPER!
Hell at JUST ONE PENCE! you might never need to shop for Velvet Classic again!
So go on Peepul! Get the gift everyone (even an Ibrox manager!) can afford!
Buy your loved one something special!
Buy a batch of Ibrox shares TODAY!
(Before the price drops to where we can’t give these things away …)
Obviously we’ll rework some of this … but give me your thoughts on it?
From Head of Marketing, GoonStock.
NOT FOR PUBLIC DISCLOSURE.
OMG, my sides are aching with laughter at this one.
Haven’t laughed this much since last Sundays saved penalty.
We’ll done!
Liebrox Share Certificates…
Apt – As the majority of them need certified anyway !
So, they’re not worth the paper they’re shittin on?
Hilarious James, but on a serious note, when do the Financial Authorities step in and investigate if the business is trading while insolvent.
If you issue shares and purchase a new player or a fixed asset you are correctly equalising the liabilities of the Company with the realisable value of your saleable assets.
If you use the value of the new share issues to repay existing debt all you are doing is clearing one liability and creating a new one.Shares are technically liabilities to the Company. In theory a shareholder can request the business to buy back the shares at their current market value.
If you use the new share issue to pay ongoing running costs all you are doing is artificially inflating the value of the Company with no matching increase in the asset value. You are technically Insolvent. The total value of the shares issued is not covered by the realisable market value of your assets. You’re bust.
For the Tribute Act is further compromised by the fact that the realisable market of their playing squad on their books is just a wish list. They overpay for duff players and boast about their value.
A reckoning is overdue and Scottish Football is going to be set back a large number of years and smaller Clubs are going to be hugely impacted. The SPFL & SFA are not so much asleep at the wheel, they’ve just given up all sense of Governance and simply started hoping that given enough time, no awkward questions and no further unforeseen fiscal events that the new Chairman and CEO will turn things around.
It just pure Financial Insanity and total abrogation of responsibility by the Governing Bodies.
Awesome post SFATHENADIROFCHIFTINESS !
And the answer to your question in your first paragraph…
NEVER…
As this is Scummy Sevco ruled Scottish Football (off the field anyway) !
Think someone at ibrokes has been watching the wolf of wallstreet , thought celtics artificial pitch sale was disgusting then sevco totally blows that out of the park with this pish , think it’s snake oil next or as you’ve said previously James, a new bonafied monorail straight into the rat pit aka ibrokes