One of the most famous episodes of Only Fools and Horses is the classic “Dates.” It’s a brilliant special, and one of its best scenes features Albert going through his box of memories. He tells Rodney and Del the story of how he was almost court-martialled for crashing his ship into a US aircraft carrier—a ship they were supposed to be protecting.
It’s a hilarious moment, especially when Albert explains how he first tried to evade responsibility by claiming the carrier was at battle stations with its lights off. But then he admits the Navy caught him on what he calls “a technicality”—it happened in broad daylight. At this point, Rodney and Del are absolutely incredulous.
And that’s exactly how I felt this morning, reading the Scottish Police Federation spokesperson in the papers. He was blaming the Scottish Government for what happened over the weekend in Glasgow city centre.
His claim? That the trouble was the government’s fault because it hasn’t provided proper monitoring, doesn’t spend enough on CCTV or police intelligence, and has cut police numbers. It’s a breathtakingly brazen excuse, one that doesn’t stand up to the slightest scrutiny.
For the chaos to have happened, his officers had to have missed not one, but two large groups of “uniformed” neds—many wearing face coverings—marching through the streets. Not only that, but they somehow failed to recognise that these two marches were about to converge in the same area.
And here’s another clue in case they missed the 40,000-tonne metaphorical aircraft carrier: one group was wearing red, white, and blue and the other was in green and white. Letting them meet in the same spot was probably not the brightest idea.
Consider this stunning fact: not one person responsible for the disorder, which has been condemned by the Scottish Parliament, was arrested at the time.
Not a single one. There’s “light-touch policing,” and then there’s standing back while a near-riot takes place.
Demanding more resources when you can’t even use the ones you’ve got takes some gall. No arrests? And somehow, that’s someone else’s fault? How does that even work?
The clue is in the name: police. Both a noun and a verb.
The noun is defined as “the civil force of a state, responsible for the prevention and detection of crime and the maintenance of public order.” The verb? “To enforce regulations or agreements in a particular area.”
So tell me this: if officers let two groups converge, fight, and cause havoc without making arrests, how are they fulfilling either definition? If those responsible for preventing crime and maintaining public order are standing by as chaos unfolds, can they even still be called “police”? Because they certainly aren’t doing much policing in terms of “enforcing regulations.”
Now, some will argue that a small number of officers couldn’t possibly wade into those groups and start arresting people. First, I don’t buy that because we’ve seen police do that before. But it actually raises a bigger question, doesn’t it? These two groups didn’t just materialise out of nowhere. At some point, they were smaller groups of people gathering. They were wearing the same colours and paraphernalia we saw in the videos. So why weren’t they intercepted earlier?
As far as I know, it’s still a public order offence in Scotland to take part in a gathering designed to intimidate or threaten others. That law exists precisely for situations like this. So why wasn’t it enforced?
At times like this, everyone wants to point the finger elsewhere.
The Scottish Government blames the clubs. Police Scotland blames the government. The clubs, as ever, don’t want to discuss it at all. But let me tell you this: the clubs and governing bodies won’t have much of a say if this keeps up. I wrote recently about how UEFA should take what happens outside stadiums as seriously as what happens inside them. And if football doesn’t police itself, others will step in and do it for them.
But the police line on this is getting harder and harder to take seriously.
Maybe it’s my lifelong distrust of the state, but I can’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t just accidental incompetence. Did we “crash into the aircraft carrier” this weekend by accident—or by design? Because I find it hard to believe that two groups of this size were allowed to get so close to one another, with a police presence in the area, without someone at least trying to stop it, and then you hear a senior police figure use this situation to demand more funding.
It really makes you wonder if this wasn’t the plan all along. Let me repeat the shocking fact: not one arrest.
That isn’t the fault of the clubs. It isn’t the fault of the government. It’s the result of operational decisions made by the same people now holding out their hands for more money, and if I were in government, I’d tell them where to go. I’d tell them to get real and start doing the job they’re already paid to do.
I’m sorry James, I have to disagree with you here. The green brigade and the union bears are an absolute disgrace, organizing to meet and fight on argyle st, were there is families and young children out doing there Christmas shopping etc. Both groups are in my opinion among the worst behaved fans in Europe. It was nothing short of a disgrace, as usual these clowns care about nobody but themselves. If they want to fight, go somewhere were there is no families going about there daily business. They are a disgrace.
Took the words right off my fingertips.
Two sides to this, firstly, once the police knew to sets of fans were converging on each other, action should have been taken. The police failed in its duty.
Secondly, GB and OB are disgracing their clubs and should grow up. If they want to fight, find some waste ground and slug it out. However, these days are gone.
Can’t agree with you James, this is solely down to the rogue elements in both clubs fanbase who choose to act like this. The scenes on Sunday were embarrassing and frightening to anyone caught up in it.
I’ve family who work for Police Scotland who were there on Sunday and said it’s the worst they’ve ever seen and the truth is for every arrest made, 2 cops would have to be off the street dealing with it for hours.
Both club’s could do a lot more and if they suspect which groups are involved, withhold tickets and give them to supporters who will appreciate them and know how to behave!
On a side note about the use of pyros, the SFA and SPFL could do more and refuse entry to Hampden for anyone wearing a balaclava to hide their identity. Funny how UEFA threaten to ban us from away games in Europe and the fans behave but back home they know our governing bodies are weak!
We all know we have an element in our support who thinks they are above everyone, rushing turnstiles to prevent being searched, taking over seats not assigned to them and intimidating fellow Celtic supporters.
Agree with TGG, they are a disgrace!
Two words – COP-OUT !
Another two words – STEVIE DO(P)LAN…
For being Dopey enough to allow it all to be planned, executed, and escalated !
Totally agree, how two very large groups can muster and then confront each other in a city centre without police knowledge is unbelievable when we consider the onion bears have form for attacking Celtic bars in the city centre before matches. The police must know who the are. One had a megaphone and others were carrying drums.
Don’t want tae sound as if ahm condonin any of it, because it’s far from it. Tho this has been comin since ah would say probably May, when the police actually escorted and allowed a huge number of ibrox thugs, ridiculously uniformed, right through a well documented ‘Celtic area’ of the city centre, the gallowgate at 10.30 in the mornin. Where they charged at and terrified a handful of male and female Celtic fans, waitin to get into Grace’s bar. Personally ah think this latest incident has a lot tae dae with that. It wasn’t forgotten. The police should have known this game had the potential for what happened. Instead of just escortin these 2 groups, they should have been scattered and herded away as soon as they congregated. Surely they are able tae recognise the early signs and act on it.
Unless the Cops arrest and charge anyone there is nothing the Clubs can do.
The clowns were masked, bravery on full show. Only if any of the culprits were identified as Season Ticket holders would the Clubs be able to act.
You’re as well as blaming the parents. They must know who’s involved but as usual it’ll be ‘not my sweet William or Patrick’.
Absolutely no fault of the police, only the idiots who decided to scare innocent Christmas shoppers and let the clubs they support down massively!!
Don’t condone any violence but I’m glad GB now sticking up for us and chasing the rats back to the sewers…GB weren’t near any Trangers pubs or smashing any windows…they came looking for trouble where celtic fans are so I’m glad GB chased wee fanny’s away…for anyone doubting ask urself why are the UB at merchant city or anywhere near there?…only to intimidate and assault celtic fans…GB…Full support chasing them away…Police why are they up at celtic area?…
Last comment…Dad and uncles at 81 SC final?…Family from wine alley…chased them all over govan after riot..90’s jungle…Corpy bus from paisley…top deck 40 plus every time…..Only once trouble after game… district and grapes bar at cessnock subway..ran away…trying to say fed up with supposed superiority complex…GB stuck up for us