Yesterday was a vintage day for the pro-Ibrox media. That’s not a compliment.

I’m never ceased to be amazed by the absolute rubbish printed about the club across the city, both in the mainstream media and in the Ibrox fan publications.

Last night, three separate stories stood out as particularly jaw-dropping: one about a supposed Barcelona-linked wonderkid from South Africa, another about a player in France who might be available for £5 million and how it’s a “blow” to the Ibrox club that other sides are interested, and the third—a complete howler—about Alex Ferguson being linked with a role on their board.

Let’s start with the first story. If this kid is a wonderkid and Barcelona are interested, that’s the end of it. Game over. Anything else is a waste of time. There’s no point in discussing it further because it’s not happening for them.

The player in question, Relebohile Mofokeng, is someone I’ve never heard of in my life. He was recently named South Africa’s Sports Personality of the Year, in a country extensively scouted by Europe’s top clubs. If Barcelona’s name is in the mix, you can bet there are at least ten other clubs already in the running, and every one of them has a better shot at him than the Ibrox side.

And really, Sports Personality of the Year? What kind of accolade is that supposed to be? If he’d won an award for actually playing football, that might be something. But this? It’s hardly going to impress anyone.

The second story is even more ludicrous. It claims that the Ibrox club’s chances of signing Stade Rennes player Kwame Poku have taken a hit because other clubs are interested. Really? So the £5 million transfer fee wasn’t already a deal-breaker?

These journalists clearly have column inches to fill, but this is lunacy, and they know it. They’re peddling manifestly ridiculous nonsense and pretending it’s legit.

Now, the pièce de résistance: Alex Ferguson linked with a seat on their board. And what’s the basis for this story? That they’ve just hired the former interim chief executive of Manchester Utd, and Derek Ferguson reckons it would be a good idea. Honestly, these people live in a fantasy world. There is a zero percent chance of Alex Ferguson taking any role at Ibrox.

If Ferguson had been interested in an executive role, Manchester United would have found one for him a decade ago. And even if he did get an offer from Ibrox and somehow accepted, what would it mean? Ferguson is 82 years old and has been out of the game for ages. They talk about him in an “advisory” capacity—what does that even entail?

Ferguson’s not a commercial specialist. He’s not going to be an ambassador because the first question would be, “Why didn’t you ever manage Rangers?” And his answer? “Because Rangers’ sectarian, bigoted policies caused me to walk out on the club, never to return.” So much for that.

What else could he offer? Coaching advice? At 82, when he’s stayed away from that since retiring from Manchester United? Suddenly, he’s going to play elder statesman to whoever’s in the manager’s office at Ibrox? If he didn’t do that at Old Trafford—where they could have used the help—why would he do it there? The whole idea is absurd.

Yet the media prints this stuff, day after day. One clownish individual, and Derek Ferguson is a clown, expresses a half-formed thought about how good it would be to get Ferguson on the board, and suddenly it’s a headline.

And this “story” isn’t even original. It’s based on someone else’s mad idea, born from the fact that Ferguson has bought a house in Glasgow. “He hasn’t bought that for nothing,” this joker says. Maybe he just wants to move back home to the town he grew up in? Too far-fetched, apparently.

Then there’s another report calling the appointment of Patrick Stewart as a “potential game-changer.” Game-changer how, exactly? Unless he’s walking in with a massive cheque and lobbying UEFA to reform their regulations, I don’t see much changing at all.

What really needs to change is the media itself. That’s where the problem starts.

They are dreadful at what they do.