The small band who still support Celtic’s pyromaniacs have no case to offer.

Yesterday, as we all know, Celtic got a slap on the wrist that we didn’t expect over the use of a pyro device—this time, a smoke bomb in the crowd at Aston Villa. UEFA’s response was actually pretty good overall, because the punishment was much lighter than expected and much less than the media had hoped for.

But there are a handful of people in our support—people not even brave enough to do the deed themselves—who continue to egg on the guys who do.

And as that tiny little group seems to believe they’re in the right, I want to address this article to them. I also want to warn the rest of the fans not to be complacent, because these people do exist.

There are three basic refrains I hear from them. Three arguments they try to put across.

First, that this stuff is here to stay in football.

Second, that clubs should find a way to work with fans because it’s here to stay.

Third, that the club has a responsibility to protect the fans from organisations like UEFA who are nothing but killjoys and hypocrites and that Celtic should have either fought harder or told them to get stuffed.

So, let’s go over these one at a time.

Let’s take “pyro is here to stay” first.

This stuff is a fairly new phenomenon in football, and the idea that it’s here to stay is, I’m afraid, completely at odds with the facts. Just because some clubs—a tiny handful across all of Europe—have accommodated themselves to it does not mean it’s a trend across the game. It’s still uncommon. And even where it does happen, most clubs are very clear that they don’t want it to.

Second, this could be eradicated from football grounds overnight. I know a lot of people don’t believe that, but it’s a fact. It just depends on how harsh the authorities are willing to be. And if I were one of the people doing this stuff, I wouldn’t test them too much—because you never know when they’ll decide enough is enough.

I think of the people who do this—who constantly break the law in this way, sometimes in large numbers—like idiots tormenting a dangerous animal. The animal might sit there for a while and tolerate it, but you’ll never know the moment when it decides to lash out until it does. And in the wrong circumstances, you’ll be whispering for the rest of your life—if you’re talking at all.

Unless you’ve got friends in Police Scotland’s match commander’s office, you’re never going to know when hands-off policing becomes hands-on policing—until the day it does. You might think that because you’ve been able to light these things in a stadium before, you’ll always be able to get away with it. But the moment the authorities decide to act, you’ll regret it.

If it were me, this is what I’d do:

At the end of the game, I’d deploy officers to secure the section of the ground where it happened so nobody in it can leave. Then, 20 minutes after the rest of the crowd has dispersed, I’d let nine out of every 10 go—and I’d detain the other one.

Especially if they had a face covering in their possession.

I’d put every one of them through a residue test to check for signs of fireworks or smoke devices. One in every ten, like decimation in the Roman army.

That might sound draconian. That’s just one example. But I’m sure Police Scotland has even more sophisticated methods. And you’ll never know when they decide to use them—until you experience it firsthand.

For far too long, the people who do this have tested the patience of the authorities. The Scottish Government has made it clear that it wants people prosecuted for this. And so, they will be.

There are other ways of cracking down beyond mass detentions. Every single person who walks through the Celtic Park gates could be submitted to an extensive search. It would add hours to the queueing time, but it could be done. And in certain circumstances, I can see that happening.

If the authorities didn’t want to punish the whole support for the actions of a handful, there are ways around that too. They could prevent lateral movement by sealing off the Green Brigade section entirely, say, or allowing only those with tickets for that section to sit there. They could simply search everyone entering that section, leaving the rest of the stadium unaffected.

What I’m saying is that there are ways to make this extremely uncomfortable for the people who do it, so uncomfortable and so costly that no-one takes the risk. And with the changes in Scottish law, the sentences for getting caught are now severe. So let’s knock on the head this idea that it’s here to stay.

It’s only here to stay as long as it’s not aggressively policed. The moment the authorities decide to clamp down, it’s over.

The first time UEFA shuts a stand because of pyro, fan anger against those responsible will explode. That, too, will end this debate. The backlash will be so severe that I don’t think we’ll see it in stadiums again.

We also don’t know what solutions technology will offer one day. There are already systems being trialled at grounds similar to those found in airports. It would be expensive. But add up all the fines Celtic has already had for this and factor in the possibility of a stand closure … not so expensive then, is it?

So we can safely put that one to bed. This stuff is not “here to stay.”

Let’s take the argument that clubs should “work with fans” on this.

This argument is just a variation of the first. But even if clubs wanted to, there are too many barriers and roadblocks.

For one thing, clubs don’t want to work with fans on something that is fundamentally unsafe. You wouldn’t permit any other unsafe activity inside a football ground, so why would this be any different?

But even if they did want to, they’d be stopped by the governing bodies. Most football authorities in Europe don’t want this and have banned it. Many operate under strict liability rules. UEFA itself enforces strict liability, so there’s no getting around that in European matches.

The governing bodies have made it clear that they are increasingly concerned about this and are willing to take action. That means any club willing to work with fans on it would find itself in a tiny minority—and at risk of punishment from the authorities, both at home and abroad. That would only be the start of their problems.

Because even if clubs were willing to do that and to take on the governing bodies over this—and we’ll get to that in point three—they would also run afoul of local and national health and safety legislation, as well as the law of the land.

Those are the things that make it impossible. Even if the will existed at clubs—which I see no evidence that it does—even if they wanted to work with fans on this, it would still never happen because the governments in Scotland and Westminster have passed legislation on this and are quite clear on where they stand.

Health and safety authorities at both local and national levels would never permit a stadium to be opened where the club was willing to work with fans on pyrotechnics. Clubs will not put their health and safety certificates in jeopardy. They can’t afford to. They will not allow people to break the law, and they certainly will not participate in helping people to do so, because that would expose the club’s directors to the most severe legal and civil consequences.

So the argument about clubs assisting fans, meeting them halfway, and working with them is a non-starter—especially here in Scotland, where the authorities could not be clearer in their utter opposition to any such thing.

As I have repeatedly said on this blog, when the bill went before the Scottish Parliament to introduce draconian new measures against this stuff, it was passed without a single dissenting vote. The only way to change this is to change the law—and there would not be the least bit of support for it. Not a single person would stand up in Parliament and make this case. Not one. From any party.

So, the idea of working with fans is dead. It is over. It is never going to happen. That argument is not even worth having.

Which brings us to argument three; that we should stop being weak and resist UEFA and other bodies and even challenge them over it.

Well that is so idiotic that it’s borderline insane. So we should what? Pull out of Scottish football? Pull out of Europe? Because a group of fans don’t want to obey the law? Who comes up with this stuff? Who actually runs that thought through their brain and out the other side and still thinks it makes sense?

What resistance exactly can we offer? If we refuse to pay fines, they’ll simply ban us from their competitions. And this season, that would have left £40 million on the table. So that’s an argument that’s not going to cut any slack at all with the people in our boardroom. Nor should it—because it’s stupid.

It would inflict terrible and unnecessary damage on our club. And to what purpose? To aid and abet the breaking of the law? That’s how stupid the idea is.

Some of these folks have argued that UEFA are hypocrites—especially when they prosecute clubs on political grounds while taking political stances themselves. Well, is this news? Is this a new development? Everyone knows this is true. But it has no force and effect. That’s no defence according to the rulebook, because there’s nothing in there that says we’re exempt because UEFA are hypocrites.

When it comes to certain cases—like with songs and banners—I have some sympathy with the idea that they’re hypocrites. And I think our club should argue vocally and aggressively against being sanctioned when UEFA itself is a political organisation, whether it wants to admit that or not.

But beyond mounting an aggressive argument, what exactly are we supposed to do? Where else are we supposed to go?

And on the subject of pyro, what exactly would we be basing our argument on? Our own club is opposed to this stuff. Our own club wants it removed from our stands.

So on what basis would we fight UEFA over being punished because it hasn’t been removed? All we can argue is that we’ve done everything we can to make sure fans don’t bring this stuff to games. Beyond that, I’m curious what these people think our club should do—because our club essentially agrees with the policy.

So there’s not going to be any big boycott of UEFA competitions over it, even if that wasn’t a completely batshit, moon-howling idea.

Honestly, our club has been put in a very difficult position here. It went in front of UEFA and made the best argument it could. And that argument, in this case, has meant that we have avoided a larger and tougher sanction. The club should be commended for that. In a week when I’ve been kicking their ass all over the place, I can see clearly that they deserve credit for this.

I just wonder what goes on in some people’s heads.

Some people think our club could have done more—fought for the fans more, told UEFA to go stuff themselves? That’s not an argument. That’s schoolyard foot-stamping. That’s not any basis on which to have a conversation.

Bring me a case. Bring me a fact. Bring me something that proves our club hasn’t done enough. Something we could realistically have done or attempted to do. Not some fantasy that we were going to make a bold, lone stand, which would have been shot down in two seconds flat.

But that’s the thing—this is the level of argument in favour of pyro in stadiums. It comes down to those three cases. And none of those cases is good enough. None of them stands up. None of them holds water. And the moment you conclude that there is no case in favour of this that stands up, then it becomes an act of selfishness—made worse by the damage it does to Celtic.

Think about it in those terms, and then ask yourself if you still want to make your silly-ass case—knowing it will not change a single mind, knowing it will not change the law of the land, knowing it will not change health and safety regulations, knowing it will not move UEFA one millimetre towards your point of view.

And once you accept that this is against the law, that it’s unsafe, and that UEFA won’t care what assurances you or others offer that it is, you’re asking the club to go on a suicide mission on your behalf. Does that sound stupid to you?

Because it sure as hell sounds stupid to me.

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