Jackson’s latest rant was deranged especially if it targeted Celtic bloggers.

So yesterday, we got the latest bit of bitter ranting from Keith Jackson. We discussed this on the podcast last night. All three of us are convinced that Jackson had us at least partially in mind when he penned this … it’s nice to know he’s thinking of us.

Eric responded brilliantly, with a takedown of this bizarre, furious rant, but I always like to do my own version and this has earned it like few Jackson pieces ever had. This has it all. Bad writing. Tough guy posturing. The Whiplash Effect – one of Jackson’s trademarks of course – and failures of logic and reason.

So brew some coffee, sit back, relax and enjoy it as much as we did. Let’s start with the headline.

The moment Barry Ferguson knew he was never going to get the (Ibrox) job he craved so much – Keith Jackson

When he woke up from a dream of running up the touchline celebrating as his team scored a Champions League winning goal, and was told that Celtic had just won the Scottish Cup semi-final and were on the way to another treble? When he was shown his record since taking over and someone asked him “Do you really think you can compete with Rodgers over a season? On a shoestring budget?”

The legendary Ibrox skipper has beaten Celtic, dismissed Fenerbahce but one match proved too much and he knows his chances are dead

It’s all too much for him! It’s been too much for him right from the start! He’s a former Clyde manager who was writing for The Daily Record when the club appointed him! That gives me a shot at his old job (at Clyde; I’m not writing for that rag) because I’ve blogged about football for a decade and I’m decent at Football Manager! Jackson’s sobbing on Barry’s behalf is brilliant. What follows is better!

Let’s get one thing perfectly straight for all of the numbnuts out there. You know, those oafish, self-entitled unfortunates who, against all odds, are even more gormless than they appear to be at first sight.

Eric and Joe think he’s talking about us. And you know what? Maybe he is! But I think he could easily be talking about dozens of his own colleagues … he may even (in the ultimate sign of madness) be talking to his own reflection in the mirror.

Even though that in itself takes a bit of doing.

Dodgy writing. But we’ll move on to the next daft point.

No, rightly or wrongly and despite what these misinformed non-entities might tell you, Barry Ferguson doesn’t believe he stands so much as a puncher’s chance of becoming the next (Ibrox) manager.

This is either about us or it’s about some of his fellow hacks. It might be about both. Either way, he’s highly offended, on Barry’s behalf, that anyone would have this idea. Yet, I know Ferguson does think he’s got a chance of getting it. I know that he does because he’s said it himself, and he’s urged the board to get a move on making the decision, because he’s keen to get started.

On the contrary, having conducted his own review of his short time in charge, he has reached the conclusion that this particular ship has long since sailed. Most probably from the moment he sent out a side which capitulated so horribly at home to Hibs at the start of the month.

What utter rubbish this is. The only review Ferguson has ever done was when his loo roll ran out and he realised that instead of a fresh one he only had left a number of cardboard spools. He couldn’t do proper analysis of his life depended on it. And Ferguson was clearly out of his depth way before that afternoon. Only people like Jackson have been kidding themselves otherwise.

It’ll be hurting him deep inside no doubt. But, even so, he’s reconciled himself with it. He’s made his peace with it.

Someone get me the world’s smallest violin for this guy and his mate. But first, ignore all the comments Ferguson himself has already made which suggest quite the opposite.

And his only realistic aim now is to enjoy the short time he has left on the sidelines, managing the club he cares for so profoundly.

Is it just me, or is does this make other people want to vomit into the nearest receptacle? It’s pathetic, isn’t it? This is a grown man writing about another grown man and his love affair with a football team. I mean I know we all love our club, but if someone was to write about it, and us, in this fashion we might feel a bit nauseous.

Of course, there’s a chance he may have jumped the gun a little bit inside his own head.

That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement of his emotional stability, or his overall intellect. It’s also a suggestion that maybe Jackson himself has jumped the gun and realised it only a few paragraphs into his article … and instead of selecting all the words he’s written and deleted them to start again (proper writers do that all the time) he’s too lazy and so has just decided to keep going instead.

Despite what he thinks to be the case, it’s not yet inconceivable that he’ll still be there next season given that the incoming American owners appear at any rate not to have put any plans in place for the upcoming campaign.

Christ almighty, my head was thumping trying to disentangle that into something coherent. That is one of the most poorly constructed sentences I’ve ever read in my adult life. It’s almost achingly awful. As you read that you can actually feel your brain start to delete the part that came before so that by the time you get to the end of that sentence you are like “WTF just happened?” and you’re forced to start again, only with the same result. It takes a mental act of will to force yourself to take it in.

Who knows? It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that Andrew Cavenagh and his backers from the San Francisco 49ers might still turn to Ferguson and ask him to stay at the helm whenever they do finally get their takeover across the finishing line.

I’ve been arguing that for weeks. Weeks. So if that gurning, rant of an opening really was a dig at myself and the other bloggers who’ve been mocking this whilst simultaneously admitting that there is a plausible scenario where it could happen … well it’s that he’s finally caught up with us. Jeez, it was a painful journey to get here though. The actual logic of it is pretty simple; he has local media support, he knows the club inside out, he’s working with someone else’s players and it would take forever to find and hire a replacement willing to work on a budget. The reasons to give him it in the short term are obvious. It’s amazing that Jackson has only just sussed that.

In many ways, that would seem like a smart move, given how far (they) have drifted over the years towards a state of paralysis and domestic irrelevance.

Except that all it does is confirm their irrelevance as no serious club would ever undertake such a barmy move. If this takeover does happen and this is their first act, I will probably laugh myself into a hospital bed. It’s bonkers. I can see the attraction if they aren’t up on all the reasons why it’s mad … but it can’t happen, can it? You all know how much I’d love to see this come off.

They could do a great deal worse than asking Ferguson and his men to drag the club kicking and screaming back towards what it once was, when it actually used to win things.

I’m sure that they could do worse. But a “great deal worse”? I’m not convinced of that at all. Worse itself is not easy to imagine, but is it at least possible. They could hire Neil Lennon, knowing he’ll be going in there to sabotage the thing … but other than that? I have trouble imagining what a worse appointment would look like. Derek McInnes? He has a managerial pedigree. He’s a better bet by far. Duncan Ferguson maybe? Someone like that? I think he’s probably got a better record as well.

But if they do then it’ll come as a complete surprise to Ferguson who is already preparing himself for a return to a far quieter life when he is finished living out his dream in five league games from now, when the final whistle blows at Easter Road on May 17.

Not to worry. I’m sure The Daily Record will have him back. Maybe they’ll give him Jackson’s job? I mean, if Scott Arfield is doing well they can’t very well sack him can they? But we’re back again to the point, the one where Ferguson has all these self doubts. And it’s not true. Ferguson believes he’s still got a crack at this. If he didn’t, what would the point in those last five games be?

There’s a sense of bitter irony in there too given that it was David Gray who did so much irreparable damage to Ferguson’s long term ambitions for the job at Ibrox back on April 5.

A claim offered without context. Where’s the irony there? Assume your audience doesn’t know what you mean, and explain that. The general point is ridiculous as well; he had several chances in front of him to make up for that result, including matches in the Europa League. As for long term ambitions … haha. Forgive me for laughing. Beyond the return of the brown brogues and more emphasis on “staunch” I would love to know what those involved. The lifespan of the average Ibrox boss is measured in months, not years. There is no such thing as “long term” over there.

He had only just come through a 10 day stretch during which he knocked Jose Mourinho’s Fenerbahce out of the Europa League while also scalping Brendan Rodgers on derby day at Celtic Park.

Which in the eyes of a lot of people were all the cachet he needed. That Jackson still clings to them as Exhibits A and B proves it.

At that moment in time, Ferguson truly believed he and his backroom team to be capable of dragging something extraordinary out of the group of underachievers and empty jerseys they inherited from Philippe Clement.

And he was an idiot for ever believing it. The Celtic game was a dead rubber, and he’d only achieved what Clement already had in beating us in another dead rubber fixture at Ibrox. Clement himself had done all the heavy lifting in Europe and Ferguson simply copied his tactical approach for those games. You saw the shambling mess when he had to rely on his own plan in Bilbao. The truth is, Fenerbahce should have knocked them out; they outplayed them at Ibrox and should have gone through. Celtic? We slept for too much of that game and still came back from 2-0 down and had the game by the scruff of the neck when we conceded a daft goal.

But, in reality, he was selling himself a pup by underestimating the lack of resolve, character and basic professionalism inside Clement’s dressing room.

Amazing then that Clement himself paid with his job, because if this is all down to the players then it really wasn’t his fault, was it? Because if Mr Staunch couldn’t get them playing then who can? The excuses being made for Ferguson’s dire management style are embarrassing, they really are. All that “shout at them until their ears bleed” stuff and all that mumbo jumbo about the “standards of Rangers” … I mean, nobody credible thought that stuff was going to suddenly change things. It’s ridiculous.

That’s the thing about Ferguson. He’s as authentic as they come.

Staunch as the day is long. What a man. I bet Keith can’t wait to have him across the desk again. You just know the poster of Ferguson as a player has never left his wall in all these years. This is not journalism. It’s fanboy gushing.

And, because of that, he’ll find it impossible to fathom how so many of these players can pull on that shirt without cherishing and protecting it the way he and his coaching staff used to do.

Cherishing it and protecting it. Good grief. You just know he was cuddling his Ibrox teddy bear writing that rot, yeah? And probably kissing the badge on his own shirt at the same time. Mind you, they need cherishing and protecting as we’ve seen how flimsy they are when you’re diving for a penalty. They rip very easily.

He most certainly doesn’t need telling that some of the results and performances he has overseen have not been remotely close to the standards required of any (Ibrox) team.

The more people say this the dafter it sounds when subsequent sides continue to turn in those performances. We’ve won 13 of the last 14 titles; when is the penny going to drop that this is just who they are now?

He knows it intrinsically because he’s lived and breathed it almost every day of his life.

More words to give you the boak.

Which is why, internally, he’s been coming to terms with his fate ever since that 2-0 home defeat at the hands of Hibs.

Well he’s wasting everyone’s time including his own then, isn’t he? What’s he demanding the board make a quick decision for then? To put him out of his misery?

The truth of the matter is, while this would represent Ferguson’s dream job, his hopes of landing it on a more permanent basis have been undermined and very possibly torpedoed by a collection of charlatans and fraudsters masquerading as (Ibrox) players.

More excuses. His own lack of skills as a manager have nothing to do with it, eah? Or his dim-witted belief that all you have to do is show them videos of Brian Laudrup scoring goals, or of Ferguson himself snarling at Neil Lennon to motivate men? “The truth of the matter” is that the choice to give Ferguson the gig was symbol of a board that has run out of ideas and can’t be arsed even pretending otherwise. The appointment was hilarious to most of us. It will remain so until the end.

There are all manner of these kiddy on merchants kicking around these days, in all professions and in every walk of life. The imposters really do walk among us.

You should know, Keithy, with the number of them who have spent years pretending to be journalists. They sit amongst you too. They look back at you from the mirror.

Empty vessels who talk a good game without possessing any genuine substance or purpose.

Want me to run you off some names? Keevins, English, Leckie, Devlin, Berry, Newport and yourself Keith. To name but a few. And you’ll notice I didn’t even bother there with the number of ex players who have gigs in the media but have yet to master the complex arts of sentence structure but who are very good at howling at the moon.

If he was given the opportunity to tackle it for the long term, Ferguson would weed them out one by one before escorting them off the premises. And (the club) would be all the better for it.

Out of context Keithy. You were talking about imposters amongst other professions. You can’t just jump from that back to the losers and failures in the Ibrox dressing room. But to the point, it’s easier talking about ridding the club of these players than it is actually doing it, as a lot of former bosses have discovered. And all of them would need replaced by better ones. That costs money. Which they club doesn’t have.

But the chances are Cavenagh and his consortium will look elsewhere for a new manager and there’s a danger that they too will be duped into picking the wrong man based on a data driven algorithm or some form of artificial intelligence.

Yeah that would be a huge error, but don’t try to make that point where you’re slagging any kind of intelligence whilst promoting the cause of a guy with so few brain cells that you can hear them rattle every time he sneezes. Any intelligence, even the artificial kind, would give you more bang for your bucks than that clown without the facepaint.

Of course, they could get lucky and get it right at the same time. The computer could unearth a managerial diamond and appoint someone who knows how to go about carrying out a restoration job on a club which has lost its identity as well as its direction.

You read that line and you could almost start to think that Jackson was beginning to doubt that these people have a coherent or workable plan. Perhaps he knows something we don’t. (No laughing at the back, please.) Or at least has read enough of our work to start making the connections in his own seldom used neural pathways.

But, in order for (the club) to be properly restored to what it once was, that candidate will have to have a clear idea about how it used to look and feel when it was a competitive, credible force in its own backyard.

When was this then? Did we sleep through that? Surely we’re not talking about the COVID campaign again, as if it was the summit of the mountain? Because other than that, he’s talking about the bygone days of yore and Rangers … and that’s very little to do with the conversations that these people will be having.

That’s where Ferguson and his right hand men – Neil McCann, Billy Dodds and Allan McGregor – have a head start on almost everyone else.

Yeah, it’s called delusional thinking. On that front, I agree that they have an advantage over others, if we’re using the word “advantage” in such an usual way.

And that’s why it might be a mistake for Cavenagh and his people not to give them serious consideration before making a final determination on what comes next.

Which I think they’ll get. Because of all the reasons I’ve written about before; the time is running out to get in place a management team and then to start building a squad. Ferguson and his people might just get it by default because it’s too late to appoint someone else with the new season creeping up on them.

Ferguson, though, won’t be holding his breath and waiting for the phone to ring. He has concluded already the call is simply not going to come.

And it’s here that I have to wonder if this whole article has been prompted by teary 4am phone conversations between these two oddballs. “Oh Keith, I’m so sad … all my staunchness is wasted, they’re never going to give it to me ….” “Oh Barry, don’t lose heart, you are the best unheralded manager in the universe, you know what the club needs, a combination of Walter and Jimmy the Kitman, hang in there, believe in yourself, it will all be alright …” “No, no, no it won’t …” and then they both start sobbing.

Whether he’s right or wrong will become clear over the course of the weeks ahead. But if it transpires that his time has come and gone then at least he can walk away with his head held high knowing he stayed true to himself throughout.

Cause that matters more than accomplishing things, doesn’t it? Did nobody tell him that this was a “results driven business”, or what?”

And, in a world of fraudulent behaviour, that’s an achievement in itself.

Yeah I agree. All those people pretending to be what they’re not. I know too much to see this as a moment of Keith Jackson self reflection. Instead, I interpret it as yet another dig at whichever un-named individuals he was ranting about at the start. That seems like a safe enough bet here.

Our latest podcast, where we discussed this subject, is up now … it’s called Treble Yell.