Is there anybody at Celtic who knows how to fly this plane?

As we all consider the madness of this Celtic season, there’s a scene in Airplane! that has always stuck with me.

A flight attendant, Elaine Dickinson, steps forward to address a plane full of anxious passengers. Her voice is calm. Reassuring. Professional. She tells them there’s nothing to worry about, that everything is under control, that the situation is being handled.

Behind her, the reality is very different. The captain is unconscious. Another crew member is dragging him down the aisle. The cockpit is effectively unmanned. The plane is still in the air, still flying forward, but no one is really in control of it.

She delivers the reassurance anyway. She maintains the tone. And then, almost as an afterthought, she asks the question that changes everything. “By the way… is there anyone onboard who knows how to fly a plane?”

That scene works because of the contrast. The calm voice. The collapsing reality. The gap between what is being said and what everyone can plainly see. It is very hard not to think about that when you look at Celtic right now.

Because what we are getting from the club, from the board, from those who are supposed to be leading this institution, carries the same tone. Calm messaging. Reassurances. Carefully chosen words about stability, about long-term planning, about staying the course.

Wilson sits in front of fans and feeds them those phony platitudes.

There’s another moment in that movie where Leslie Nielsen does the same; as he talks, you can actually see his nose grow with every lie that comes out of his mouth.

And so, the club tells us not to overreact. It frames fan disharmony as the result of a handful of bad results and claims the noise comes from a minority. Dear oh dear. It tells us that these things happen. It tells us there is a plan, although it never explains what that plan is.

But look at what is actually happening.

Look at the performances on the pitch and at the recruitment. Look at the lack of direction, the lack of identity, the lack of urgency. Think of the way supporters are being treated. Look at the growing disconnect between the club and the people who sustain it.

This is not a club in control of its own trajectory. This is flying on autopilot run now with the really difficult stuff still in front of us. We know this board cannot cope during times of plenty. Imagine what they’ll do when the pressure is really on.

And yet the messaging does not change. There is no sense of alarm. No sense of accountability. There is no sense that anyone at the top fully grasps the scale of what is unfolding. I would be less scared if these people were running around like folks with their hair on fire. This calm is un-natural. It is fake.

That is the part that should concern people the most.

Do they recognise it? Do they act? Will they change course? Will they do that in time? Or will they keep talking as if everything is fine while the situation deteriorates around them? Will these people keep on fiddling whilst Celtic burns?

Right now, Celtic’s leadership come across like people delivering the “everything is normal” speech while the captain is already out cold.

You can see it in the recruitment strategy, which feels reactive rather than planned. You can see it in the performances, which lack cohesion and purpose.

It is there in the public communication, which feels detached from reality. It is present in the relationship with the support, which has been strained to a degree that would have been unthinkable not so long ago.

All of these things are happening at once and I see no evidence that the scale of the coming challenges have sunk in. The tone does not change. The summer is shaping up to be chaotic even by our standards. The World Cup is not going to make it easier; in fact that will probably delay things significantly at a time when we can’t afford delays.

At some point, you have to stop pretending that everything is under control and face what is actually in front of you. At the very least you have to accept the scale of the challenge and start working to head off the worst of it. That doesn’t appear to be happening either.

At some point, you have to acknowledge that the system is not working. At some point, you have to ask the questions that nobody inside the club seems willing to ask; are we still the people best placed to fix what is broken here?

Because right now, from the outside looking in, it does not feel like anyone is, and you can dress it up however you like. You can talk about plans and processes although you offer no details, and you can point to structures and systems and try to reassure people that there is a steady hand on the controls.

But if the results, the performances and the direction all say otherwise, then those words mean nothing. Supporters are not stupid. They can see what is happening. They can feel it, as Paulina said earlier, that sense that we are drifting.

Fans know when something is wrong, and right now, something is very wrong. So maybe it is time to stop with the reassurances. Maybe it is time to drop the script, to abandon the pretence, and to confront the reality of the situation.

Because until that happens, the question is only going to get louder, and harder to ignore;

Is there anyone at this club who actually knows how to fly this plane?

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