Celtic set to shock fans with Redknapp appointment: An Exclusive by Keith Jackass.

Celtic set to shock fans with Redknapp appointment: An Exclusive by Keith Jackass.

Celtic fans are shocked today as details emerge of the man who will be their next manager. This writer can exclusively reveal that contrary to speculation, it will be Harry Redknapp, a story we’ve been chasing down since former Celtic chairman Peter Lawwell was pictured alongside him at the weekend’s game between Hibs and Hearts.

This confirms whispers that in spite of his resignation Lawwell maintains a role at the club, as a roving negotiator, and that his public appearance alongside former English boss Harry Redknapp was not the coincidence some would have you believe.

In fact, sources close to Redknapp claim that the two were locked in talks about his becoming the next manager, and he has already compiled a list of transfer targets to bring with him for next season’s Celtic revolution.

Joe Hart is said to be sitting by the phone, waiting for the call to return. Steven Caulker cannot wait to finally get the move to Celtic which he was denied years ago. Redknapp is also believed to be keen on bringing in trusted lieutenants Kyle Walker, Andros Townsend and Carl Jenkinson, with sources suggesting the veteran boss believes all three still have the legs to cope with Scottish football’s unique intensity.

Lawwell, who has been out of the spotlight since January, believes that Redknapp’s brand of high intensity football, and a raft of experienced frees from England, can be the catalyst for Celtic rocketing back to the top spot in Scotland. Others are not so sure. This has not gone down well with some of the Celtic fans, with several sites branding it an “embarrassment” with one going as far as to call it “scandalous.”

One Celtic blogger last night wrote, “A complete mess at our club and we’re going with a guy who has had more clubs than Tiger Woods and had about as much success with them as Maurice Flitcroft.”

But it is the news that Lawwell is the man taking the lead in it which has enraged that section of the Celtic fan-base who thinks of the former chairman as the anti-Christ. The fury on Celtic social media can be summed up by the number of times the words “lying bastards” were being used on Twitter as the news broke last night.

For all that, former fan favourite Charlie Mulgrew defended the move. “It’s obvious that Celtic needs a new direction,” he said. “This news should excite fans. Harry has great experience, although obviously you want to keep him away from agents and high profile transfer deals. But let him work his connections and do his thing and this will be another stroke of genius from those glorious leaders at the club. And if he wants to redevelop the coaching side of it, I can suggest a few candidates he could talk to. Especially me.”

Former Celtic boss Neil Lennon was not so excited. We called him to tell him we had news about the club’s likely target. When he found out it wasn’t him, he hung up the phone before we could get his reaction on the story.

Veteran broadcaster Hugh Keevins gave his view on it last night. “There is a zero percent chance that this will be anything other than a disaster. Celtic may even be hovering around the relegation zone this time next season. But then, I’d probably have said that if they had appointed Pepe Guardiola and given him unlimited funds.”

Celtic players were a mixed bag.

All wished to remain anonymous and so we will refer to them only by their squad numbers; Number 42 was said to be “considering his options” and hastily Googling housing prices in Khobar. Number 56 was apparently happy. “I’ll play here under anybody. As long as it’s not that guy Nancy again.” Number 14 wanted to know if his new contract would still be valid and Number 10 said “Celtic … yeah, that’s right. That’s who it is I play for. Can you tell me the directions to the stadium?”

We called the Celtic boardroom for confirmation, and a director who we can only refer to as Michael said “All those moaning gits … let’s see what they complain about now. Let’s see how some of those podcast’s spin this as a negative. Ungrateful toe-rags. After all I’ve done for this club … all that time spent during the last days of transfer windows trying to negotiate deals down to where Dermot won’t even spot the line in the accounts … and what do I get for it? Where’s Michael? Where’s the plan? Well, how do you like it now? This will guarantee me a statue in the car-park … Peter won’t like it, but too bad.”

On one Celtic site they were said to be “elated” with their editorial reading, “Once again, this board has pulled a major rabbit out of the hat, just in time for season ticket renewal forms to start hitting the doormats. This more than justifies the 25% increase in prices across the boards, which you can blame on Brendan Rodgers if you don’t like it. For that handful of fans who won’t want to pay that much to watch the next evolution of this side, well you paupers won’t be missed. Go and watch your hero in Saudi. That’s what our waiting list is for.”

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