McCoist’s deranged anti-Celtic rant is about fairness not fixtures.

Last night I highlighted the insanity on the Ibrox fan forums, because it is embarrassing to watch so many people stamp their feet and get pissy over nothing at all. Celtic fans are quite right to mock that stuff today. But that is not the only thing worth mocking.

I knew there would be a reaction from some in the mainstream media too, one just as moon-howling and deranged, and history has taught us that we should always expect that from Ally McCoist in particular.

Regular readers will know I have no time for this man at all. I do not buy the cheeky chappy act. It has always been an act.

Underneath it sits a nakedly bigoted, nasty little man. In his defence, people keep bringing up the fact that he carried Tommy Burns’ coffin, as if one decent act for a man nobody would ever have had a bad word to say about somehow wipes clean everything else McCoist has done, everything he believes, and all those years when he proudly and lustily sang the songs of hate and revelled in them.

That always makes me laugh. It is a symptom of Scotland’s peculiar disease, the one that never really goes away because this country refuses to confront it honestly.

McCoist is part of that disease. Every now and then, although his English audience does not recognise it for what it is, the mask slips. He stops being the so-called cheeky chappy and the ugly face underneath shows itself. Today is one of those days.

In some ways it is horrific that he has bamboozled the people around him down south so completely that they neither understand this, nor recognise it, nor call him out on it. Mostly, though, it is just hilarious. That act is not for our benefit up here, because we know what he is. It is for their benefit. He is not fooling us. He is fooling them. As long as they are happy to be fooled, he will keep doing it.

His comments today are cringe-inducing. They are the wailing and bubbling of a playgroup full of children going through the terrible twos. They are so childish, so immature, and so factually incoherent that the only realistic response is laughter. But even while laughing, we should remind ourselves what this is. This is a man brimming with poison. He can never contain it for long.

His contention that we run Scottish football is so idiotic that it barely seems worth covering. But let’s cover it anyway. Let’s deal with it properly.

The idea is that Michael Nicholson, who can barely run Celtic and who looks hopelessly out of his depth as chief executive of this club, is somehow also running the wider game. And who are his sidekicks in this grand conspiracy?

Chris McKay? I don’t think so. That guy probably needs SatNav to get his own piss into the porcelain bowl.

Brian Wilson? Don’t make me laugh.

These are the secret rulers of Scottish football? It would at least explain why the game here is such a mess, but unfortunately for McCoist it is not true.

So, what is his evidence? The fixture list. That’s it.

A fixture list in which, as he puts it, we get four games at home out of six, while his favourite club gets four games away. You do not need a conspiracy to arrive at those numbers. You only need to follow what is in the rule book.

How shocking is it that someone can cry foul and scream like a little bitch over 19 home games and 19 away games, exactly the same as the other two clubs will end up with? How pathetic does he sound complaining at this? Because we got basic fairness, because the playing field is level, because we got the same number of home and away games as our two title rivals, this somehow proves that we run the game.

The drunkest man in the shabbiest backstreet boozer in Glasgow could come up with a more coherent argument than that. This is hysterical raving. This is Trumpian denial of reality.

I’m not even going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he is doing it just to get his name in the papers or to wind people up. I have no doubt that this moron believes every word coming out of his mouth.

He isn’t the only one; Ewan Cameron’s meltdown yesterday was equally deranged. I have no doubt whatsoever that McCoist thinks an even split of games, 19 and 19, somehow favours us and proves the conspiracy is real.

But this is the logic of a hate-filled yahoo, someone so blinded by his own intolerance that he sees even fairness for Celtic as something to get angry about.

Mark my words, that is the root of this.

McCoist is someone we have talked about on this blog many times, and the theme has been the same in the last few articles about him.

He does not like it when rules are applied fairly, because in his world rules are not supposed to be applied fairly, especially not when that fairness benefits uppity Fenians. Not when men like him grew up believing they would spend their lives up to their knees in our blood, lording it over us with the old “we are the peepul” mantra.

That is what this really comes down to.

This is his proof that we run the game. That is why he believes it so completely. Because the system no longer simply favours his club. Because, however imperfectly, the rules still mean what they say in black and white. And when those rules do not benefit him, do not benefit his club, when they assure that we get a fair shake, then in his mind the rules themselves become the problem.

They should be scrapped. Bent. Ignored. Thrown away.

If he wants to complain about the order of fixtures, fine. There is at least an argument there although I’d love to know what his version of it would be and what alternative he would have come up with, taking into account all the various permutations.

But to complain because those fixtures ensure parity, because we get our 19 home games and 19 away games just as the other two clubs do, that is not really a conspiracy theory at all. This is just a supremacist loon stamping his feet, and why?

Because his little tribe no longer enjoys more rights than the rest of us. It is naked bigotry.

His colleagues south of the border do not understand that, or do not have the nerve to call it out.

Nevertheless, we are going to.

Choose The CelticBlog as a ‘Preferred Source’ on Google News for quick access to the news you value.