Celtic rocked as Ibrox plans raid on their top stars: An Exclusive by Keith Jackass.

Celtic rocked as Ibrox plans raid on their top stars: An Exclusive by Keith Jackass.

Celtic fans, still reeling from needing last-day luck and a non-existent final whistle, to provisionally win the title, and dreading the prospect of points deductions, a forfeiture or a replay ordered by FIFA, which might yet deny it to them, have been rocked by a brand-new crisis this morning.

It has been revealed that their great Glasgow rivals, run, of course, by billionaire Americans, are getting ready to raid their playing squad ahead of next season.

Andrew Cavanaugh, the genius who has spearheaded an American revolution at Ibrox, and took his club to a brilliant third place finish, has targeted Scottish-based players for the next campaign. These are players who, he says, have the mental strength and leadership qualities to propel the club to the next level.

As money is no object, they can quite literally sign anyone in the league, and this journalist understands that their principal targets are Celtic’s title-winning stars Arne Engels, Daizen Maeda, Reo Hatate and Benjamin Nygren.

They may also push to sign Lawrence Shankland from second-place Hearts.

“The Americans have been planning this for a while,” a source told this journalist, “and they believe third place is an excellent position from which to launch a proper, all-out assault on Scottish football.”

With the ability to offer the kind of wages that no club in Scotland, or even most clubs in the Premier League down south, can compete with, they believe Celtic’s stars are there for the taking. There is no better way to signify their intent than to go out and raid their rivals for all their top talent.

We understand that Callum McGregor would have been on their list, but the Americans believe he is wedded to Celtic and thus lacks the ambition to want to play on the bigger stage of Ibrox.

Whilst initially disappointing for the Americans, they are willing to bide their time and wait, perhaps revisiting the issue in January, when they might also attempt to take Alistair Johnston and Kieran Tierney as well.

“It is obvious that we need to pivot towards players on our own doorstep, players who understand how to win. Unfortunately, that mainly means Celtic. Where else?” someone with knowledge of the Ibrox operation told me this morning.

“We did look at the cup winners at St Mirren, but we rejected trying to sign their players because all they did was beat Wilfried Nancy. It is possible that we may move for Dunfermline players after the weekend.”

A move for their boss Neil Lennon has been ruled out, even if he manages to win the cup and Danny Rohl leaves Ibrox to take up a position at a major Bundesliga club.

Celtic fans, already thoroughly ashamed by the manner in which their club secured its fifth title in a row, and living in fear that officialdom will come to the right conclusions, even if that means that it will be decided outside Scotland, will be stunned and enraged at this development and deeply concerned about their club’s future.

Although there would obviously be a huge influx of money as a result of this, it is believed that UEFA sanctions are in the offing for the weekend’s pitch invasion. These may even include a signing and registration ban, making it impossible for Celtic to replace any players who leave over the summer, including those who are only at the club on loan.

“We had planned to buy the Hearts starting eleven,” the Ibrox source told me. “But of course, they came up just short. Even if Celtic’s title is stripped away from them, as it should be, we still believe that their players represent better value for money, as they did, in fact, win it on the pitch. Even if the circumstances were murky.”

Sources told this newspaper that an emergency Celtic board meeting was in progress in a bid to beat off the American challenge at the last second.

When we called for clarification, we were told that it was a routine meeting involving the commercial department.

“We have DVDs to produce and title-winner T-shirts to make, so would you please stop wasting our time with these calls for comment on nonsense stories?” said Michael, a senior official. “Bad enough all that pish about the missing minute …”

We reached out to several Celtic players, but mostly just got Simply The Best ringtones, a clear sign that they know their futures lie across the city over the summer.

One prominent Celtic blogger, clearly in denial, mocked us when we got in touch.

“Keith,” he said, “you bitter old drunk. Try to stay sober during the normal workday, whatever it is that you do.”

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