The Diary claims it’s not picturesq it’s just Bayview without a view of the docks.
It was at about 10:50am this morning that The Diary actually started feeling physically sick. No, it wasn’t those out of date Pringles or thinking about Georgios Samaras that did it. Over in Nyon the first real big deal of the season was being drawn by some faceless suits.
Our Champions League fate was in their hands and they couldn’t care.
The headline that “Portuguese would at least offer Celtic Sporting chance in Champions League draw” didn’t do much to lighten the mood of doom that a trip to St Petersburg or Kiev was the cards, in fact I thought “that’s that chance of that draw buggered” as I read.
So as The Diary clicked on UEFA fan dabby dosy website to see Celtic included as one of the “Big names await Friday’s draw” it warmed my bowels that at least at this stage of the draw we are a “big name”
Sporting Braga it is. The relief that we don’t face Gazprom backed Zenit, an “up and running” Kiev and the “strongest squad of all the teams” (we could have faced) Ajax is palpable but a team that finished “behind Benfica but ahead of Porto and Sporting Lisbon” who are intent on “making their mark” in their debut Champion League season and have signed 9 players to help them do this makes the claim that we have a “Sporting chance” mainly because “their league season does not start until the same week as the SPL” is as flimsy as paper underpants trying to withstand an all you can eat Indian buffet.
That’s before I mention that we struggle against Portuguese teams away from home, when losing 3 goals seems to be the norm and that we have only won 1 meaningful European game since November 07.
Bah, the draw was never going to throw up an easy tie. Bastards.
Still, Lennon seems to be open all hours at the moment probably something to do with the time difference between us, the USA and reporters brain cells. “We’re shopping around and I’m looking for a goalkeeper as well” he was reported to have grunted after our defeat to The Union.
“We have a list but I’m not going to name players” continued our gaffer before naming a player. “I think we are pretty close with Daryl” getting those of us of were obsessed with the film Splash very, very excited.
But no. It’s Sunderland’s Daryl Murphy who is “desperate to seal the deal with his boyhood heroes” and makes you wonder how far down The Players From Ireland list we are when he comes in with 9 caps.
“He’s quick and he’s 6ft 3inches tall” pointed out Lenny. The Diary has to take his word on that.
Update: “You always want to play for Celtic and nearly all of Ireland supports Celtic growing up so it’s a massive, massive thing.” gushed Daryl like any man in obtaining that world famous number 27 Celtic jersey.
One player that we have either signed or are “close to signing” is Efrain Juarez who we are told is part of “Mexico’s Golden Generation” and that he has, in true Moonbeam fashion, “snubbed three Serie A clubs to join Celtic“.
Juarez is “an intelligent, versatile, highly energetic player” who can “play anywhere in the middle or right of midfield or defence” and has the look of either he should be sweeping the pavement outside his home awaiting the returning husband or being sent to see if that shipment has arrived from Colombia and if it had not arrived then to ask questions why.
We are told that we have paid “£3million” to “secure him from Pumas” – what he was doing living with Argentina’s national big cat I don’t know – but our little piñata – “5ft 10in and 10 1/2 stone” – “sometimes has trouble with his final ball“.
Don’t they all The Diary asks?
