There was once a famous quote by one of our modern day ‘philosophers’, it is so memorable that to this day it is still sung, projected at high volumes by every drunkard who thinks he can sing after one pint too many.
“Shot through the heart, and your to blame. You give love a bad name”.
Shot through the heart
Shot through the heart indeed, well any team with Jim Jefferies in charge is destined for anywhere below 4th place and as for romancing in the top 3 positions they have a better chance buying the karma sutra to find one that better suits them, and knowing hearts, it would be probably something with the rectum involved. This would ultimately lead to a new club slogan, possibly something along the lines of “Stick that up your ?kio bankas”.
To be honest Bon Jovi’s lawyers are probably working on a case right now for even mentioning them in the same breath as Heart of Midlothian and Jim Jefferies. In advance a message to Bon Jovis legal team, I sincerely did not mean any harm to your superb worldwide persona and only used your illustrious well known tune in context for a poppy, sorry I meant pop at Hearts.
…and your to blame
Well we could all point fingers at our opponents flaws but there is one piece of evidence that shocking leverages the finger pointing in one direction. The actions of Mr Romanov. The thing what makes me laugh most is the fact that Hearts where not Vladimirs first port of call, his contingent made approaches to Dundee United, Dundee and Dunfermline firstly before opting for the Jambos, seems even then he had doubts over the club.
The man with the master plan some Hearts fans said to me, we will be hitting you and the gers for six very soon they said. Well you kind of did well for a minor amount of time, eventually Craig Gordon went off to the north east of England and Hartley and Elvis buggering off to a bigger club, ah hem*The Bhoys* ah hem, you gave away your best assets and the spine of your new wave revolutionary team. Notice I do not mention serial drugger, sorry I meant slugger Roman Bednar, he was always a poor mans Mark Viduka, when I say poor man I meant destitute and living on a human soiled rolled up piece of old carpet in an alley kind of poor man.
Well the novelty has seem to have wore off now, you had your financial peak and SPL peak with a top two finish but now Mr Romanov and his magical bank pin code tapping finger seems tired with his what was once his favourite pet and now Jambos all you are to him is a mangy alley cat with 3 legs and 1 eye that he will eventually put down by throwing you inbetween a pair of ‘neds’ pitbulls (Probably called Sultan and Spike, and thats just the owners names) fighting.
I would usually feel sorry for a club in this position but I can’t stand Hearts, not as much as the gers but they come a close second.
You give love a bad name
Love suggests some form of a heart is involved? The only heart in tynecastle on a match day is on the club badge because the rest of the reprobates on the pitch and off it are mearly a bunch of zombie like drones that go and watch the jam tarts so they can get their weekly dose of mind numbingly boring methodone form of football with king boredom Jefferies sluggishly looking like penfold from dangermouse having a stroke on the sidelines. Here are some facts and my opinions on Hearts (facts from a bbc blog and other football sources): –
Fact – Hearts were formed in Edinburgh in 1874 and were named after the ‘Heart of Midlothian’ dance hall.
My opinion – Ironically they still dance about. Yes, like headless chickens, thus being named after a dancehall suits them especially when they are took on a merry dance by most teams in the SPL and Mr Romanov.
Fact – Hearts have had a major effect on the rules of football as we know it. In fact it was down to the mighty (Sorry but I had to laugh at this point, mighty hahaha, and include this minor bracketed edit of the quote) Jambos that the rules of the penalty kick are as we know them today. Jimmy Adams, a full-back for Hearts, saved a certain goal by punching the ball off the line. The referee had to award a free kick to East Stirling, since the penalty hadn’t been introduced, which they missed due to the fact that Hearts had 11 players on the goal line. Hearts went on to win the tie 3-1. The introduction of the penalty came about in 1891/92 after East Stirling protested and a similar incident occurred between Notts County and Stoke in 1891.
My opinion – Hearts player handballing, does not surprise me in the slightest, the irony is Mr Romanov owns a basketball team back in lithuania, maybe he will introduce them to the starting line-up next?
Fact – Vladimir Romanov’s concerns with the fairness of refereeing developed during this period. This started after Hearts made complaints after a match with Rangers in the 2004–05 season during which the referee Hugh Dallas controversially awarded a decisive penalty kick late in the match on the basis of advice from his linesman Andy Davis. There were also complaints after the dismissals of Craig Gordon against Falkirk, Edgaras Jankauskas against Hibs and Saulius Mikoliunas against Rangers. Romanov called for a replay of each of these matches, but this was refused and Romanov was rebuked by the SFA.
My opinion – With the about fact in mind, Vlad seems quite an abhorrently paranoid individual with the SFA on speed dial. It would not surprise me that he has sacked employees in the past for making eye contact with him for lengthy periods of no more than a millisecond. If you get to read this Mr Paranoia-ov they are watching you, ooooooooooo. At this point Im guessing you are peering over your shoulder Vlad? Or calling the SFA for another match replay request from a fixture 5 years ago?
…and finally
Here is what to expect from the Jambos.
Their Last 3 results went like this (Thanks to the BBC sport folks for the stats): –
Saturday, 23 October 2010 SPL
Hearts 3 – 0 St Mirren
Sunday, 31 October 2010 SPL
Hearts 0 – 3 Kilmarnock
Sunday, 7 November 2010 SPL
Hibernian 0 – 2 Hearts
Two wins and one loss is not great form but with ‘Templetons wonder goal’ still fresh in the memory, maybe Hearts will have extra confidence.
So who do we have to watch out for?
Kyle, Elliot, Skacel and Templeton are the four we need to focus down on. I think we have the requirements needed to staple their 4 ‘stars’ down defensively.
I expect an away win but not as comfortable as the win against Aberdeen. I would grasp a 1-0 win right now or anything better as Hearts will have a go at us but with Stokesy and Hoopy on superlative form we cannot state that we lack a goalscoring threat and with Sammy biting at the bit for a game our new strike partnership needs to keep scoring and put that wee ba$$a, sorry I meant un-policechecked school / ibrox fox in the boxroom janitor top of the goalscoring charts under some intense pressure.
I now throw my arms wide and let the opinions run loose?
Any predictions?
Will we find it hard to break Hearts down at home?
Is a draw on the cards?
Will Vladimirs team fall at the old firm hurdle again?
Please comment as you wish?
Superb again. Penfold having a stroke. Genius. Though Bon Jovi? I’m more a Scorpions man myself.
Hearts will put the boot in. They could trouble us no problem. This is a TEST. Me? McGinn drops out and we add an extra midfielder. Fancy we will see Cha in the midfield, Willo right back.
Let’s have the cunts and send a message. 2 0 Hoops, hooper and Ki.
Fuck You Vermin – wanna buy a poppy!
Not from you, it’s probably been up your arse.
bunch of tramps the lot of yous you tatty munching c****, the famous will put yous into your place the night and send our big bros one step closer to 3 in a row
FTP
Whoa, stereotype enforcer alert. Spare 10p for the bus fare?
Fact – Celtic are vermin.
Fact- Hearts are Albert Kidds love child.
Aye, I reckon LOTW might be onto something with the extra midfielder but not sure whether Stokes or Hooper would drop out.. A cold night at Swinecastle is all about getting ‘stuck in’
I’ll go for 2-1 Celtic with Big Dan finally getting a goal (after reading LOTW’s piece yesterday) and Maloney sealing it.
“The Celtic blog”
Whoa ho ho! What a pile of pish. You have as many `stars` in your multi national team as Hearts do. Where are the products of your youth system? Who are you bringing through? Your club is an embarrassment and does not belong in Great Britain. I hope you bring your disgusting banners along to Tynecastle tonight and im sure you`ll be given the welcome you deserve. SCUM.
LEST WE FORGET – HEROES EACH AND EVERY ONE.
Run out of credit to text the Daily Star?
Im surprised the neanderthals manage to type. I was quite sure that their evolution had not hit the opposable thumbs and core brain activity to put sentences together period.
As billy ray cyrus once sang “Don’t tell my hearts, my achey breakey hearts, just don’t think they’d understand.” He was right about not understanding, not understanding anything but the dole queue or the off license special brew or cider shelves.
Hearts = just sad because they have teacups and spatulas in their trophy cabinet. Romanov melted the rest of the rusted tincups down and sold them to make extra cash for more methadone for the first team.
Loose women must have been pish today.
Celtic are such a special club…
The following link, for me, sums up what they are all about:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia?wasRedirected=true
Doing it ‘The Celtic way’…
Boring, Jamie. Originality and brains not your strong point.
I hope Hearts show your horrible little club up for what it is. Greatest fans in the world!? Pah!
Poppycock.
Cunts.
I get your email and ip addresses. Not afraid to use them and I’m sure those posting from work wouldn’t like their bosses finding out youse are knobjockeys.
absolute rubbish from anti poppy psychopaths. go to hell, burn and rot!!!!!!!
Why rubbish tell us what’s rubbish?
Hearts of Glory.
#..This is my story
This is my song
It’s a long way from Gorgie
To the fields o’ the Somme
Where they played tunes of glory
As we marched along
The pals o’ the Sporting Battalion
From the Heart of Midlothian
To the Waverly train
The crowds they were singing
An auld Scots refrain
Our sweethearts and darlings
Our bonnie wee bairns
Were waving their flags
And calling our names
Sing Hearts of Glory
Dawn and sunset
Hearts of glory
Lest we forget
Young Scottish soldiers
And soldiers unknown
Who gave hearts of glory
In the trenches of Picardy
The whistles are blown
And it’s over the top lads
Through the wire and the bombs
To pain and destruction
Let the piper play
To lead us to hell
To death and dismay
There was never a moment
I was not afraid
But there by my side
Were the gallant McCrae’s
Until they fell in the slaughter
When the bayonets were out
Find More lyrics at http://www.sweetslyrics.com
And the few of us left
Held the auld Scots Redoubt
Ellis and Currie
Briggs, Boyd, Hazeldean
Wattie and Nisbet
He was only sixteen
Their names I’ll remember
At the end of each day
They fought and died
Wi’ Geordie McCrae
Who cared for the Kaiser
Or Imperial gains
Love of our country
Duty or fame?
Between the whim of an airman
And four feathers of shame
We fought for the pals
Of a wee fitba team
And when it was over
Just what had we done?
There were no flags of glory
For McCrae and his own
There were no graves for heroes
For our brothers and sons
Who sleep ‘neath the flowers
In the fields of the Somme
Some came back as cripples
Some couldnae kick a ball
Some wounded and broken
Most came not at all
But they remain in my memory
Forever young
The pals o’ the Sporting Battalion..#
Lest we forget.
I’ll name that tune in 2 Jamie.
Brilliant LOTW
I didnt know they had internet access in psychiatric hospitals, but the majority and tone of the responses suggests otherwise.
Fuckin Tories.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0BH3UcPXXQ&sns=em
Enjoy. Cheers lads.
Alba forever.
Jamie, have you found your maw on YouTube yet?
Top story in tomorrows daily record : –
“Animals discover youtube”
Sean, that is hilarious so it is…
I knew a Hearts fan once, its a shame the ‘illness’ got him, comes to them all I suppose…
What rabies or Burke and Hare?
Hearts fan : Blueprint for building an idiot.
Jam Farts, stick around until friday until I get my say on your scum of a support and your embarassment of a club, please, I’d LOVE to hear your opinions
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
Brilliant quote.
Hear, hear brucehill…
Aye feck awf ya jammy trouts.
I cannae wait for the next blog guys…
I wonder what Bon Jovi song will be quoted next?
Probably something from ‘Slippery When Wet’…..Always a favourite album amongst the Celtic boys club coaching staff. ;o)
Hiya Jamie….
The articulacy amongst you Glaswegian buffoons is truly awe-inspiring.
Many thanks for casting the 15w bulbs of your blinding intellects onto our proud club.
Buckfast-swilling, morbidly obese cro-magnons.
And that’s just your mothers.
Oh, and 3-1 Hearts tonight, Templeton, Skacel, Kyle. We’ll let you have a consolation so the ginger bawheid doesn’t dish out bare-bum spankings on the bus home…. you know, the ‘Celtic Way’….
Fuck, a jambo that lasted to P5….
Sincerely hope you lot are stupid enough to bring your detestable banners through. They will be inserted up your ass and pulled out in millions of poppys !!!
Pity the Kaiser only got 7 of you pricks…
Pity the famine didn’t get all you retards
We never volunteered for the famine. Who’s the fucking retards?
Pity the 80’s didn’t get you.
Pujol..Craig Thomson would have sent you off for that.
Just how easy was that? Roman says it was joyous. See what happens when the SFA are fair? Penalty? It all evens itself out over the season, so it’ll be fine.
My regards, Uncle Vlad.
Heart of Midlothian: 2
Celtic: 0
Superb stuff!!
I trust all you smelly Celtic scumbags enjoyed this evenings match at Tynecastle??…. fantastic result & excellent performance from the JT’s, the stadium was rocking.
All in all, a comfortable victory for us.
GIRUY!!!!
True, Jamie…well done. Do you get a cup for that win?
Plus…how many names do you want to have on this board?
I’ll stick with the name I have now if that’s ok with you.
What a shame. I was looking forward to you being June Jambo….
Aye come end of the season you can all celebrate….oh wait….celebrate what….ummm….mid-table thats it…..YIPEEEEE!!
Face reality we all know that all you jamtarts are just in the SPL to make up the numbers. Vladimir will get sick of you lot soon and he will leave you in the shit.
PS Jim Jefferies and you hearts lot better not put on the Lotto, because thats your luck done for the season now.
Sean, wipe away the tears you smelly moron!!
Hahahahaha!!! mon the JT’s!!!
No tears just sorrow that this result could be the pinnacle of your whole season, possibly your whole heroin riddled life even! Hahaha
Samaras was good tonight wasn’t he? :o)
We had to give you a chance.
I came back to take my post-defeat medicine like a man (you know, you saw 11 of them in maroon playing a bunch of petulant wee laddies tonight).
But the only medicine to be had was the amber nectar of victory…..
What’s that slapping sound? Is it wee ginger-baws warming up the paddle for the long bus ride home? Awww shame. Wee Joe is getting first dibs for his ‘non-foul’ dismissal, Hoops next for diving like a cheating foreigner, any other scapegoats? Maybe the ref needs six of the best from Uncle Neil, remind him of his place in the ‘scheme’ of things….
Thanks for letting us ‘make up the numbers’ tonight…. and those numbers are, of course, Famous Heart of Midlothian TWO, Unwashed Giro-Dependent Buckfast-Sodden Bigots NIL. In case you forgot, what with your goldfish sized memories and intellects…..
Until next time, it’s been a genuine pleasure. Really. Don’t let the door hit your sore bahookie on the way out, hmmm?
I gave you a disservice. You might have made high school.
Fi – another snippet of Wilde for you (paraphrased, naturally – you be sure to look it up now, won’t you?)
Glory Hunting – The unspeakable in pursuit of the unedifying.
Sound like anyone you know? Try the mirror first for a wee clue….
Heh, glory hunting. Bejesus.
Good morning vermin. Have a good night? Listen its the young boys in Celtic’s Boys Club I feel sorry for as your priests would have to take out their frustrations on them and none of them will be sitting on the pews this morning (oh and that fat cunt Jock knew it was going on). You are a vile race of cowards.
REMEMBER + POPPIES FOREVER.
GOD BLESS HEART OF MIDLOTHIAN FOOTBALL CLUB 1874
#..it’s a conspiracy..
..it’s a conspiracy..
..it’s a conspiracy..
..it’s a conspiracy..#
What is? 10m getting wiped off your debt in a smoke and mirrors moves. Tynecastle Flats. I can’t wait.
That’s what I love. Even in victory your a shower of bigoted sectarian cunts.
The tears!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Celtic FC = Pondlife
May you continue to be the scum of the earth…
May you continue to be worthless.
“Tynecastle Flats”….?
Dear oh dear…
Now who’s being boring and unoriginal? :o)
it’s hanging around with youse. Like the smell it’s catching. Your trams finished yet?
The trams will be finished when Hibs win the Scottish Cup.
Touche.