Agent Eremenko plus Agent McGeouch Needs Cleansed.

Wikileaks -which have all been quite underwhelming -, double agents and special agents all seem to be in vogue this week.

We are told that a team of special agents are trying to find Alexei Eremenko’s a bigger club and we, seemingly, fit the build. Are these special agents, busty, blonde and frequenting hotel bars looking for unsuspecting middle aged CEO’s to engage them in conversation about their business while just emitting enough of come on I really want you to keep them interested?

Then they lure them up to a suite, drugging them and taking pictures of the CEO’s naked with gerbils to be used for blackmail purposes, which see’s some talentless sheckle get transferred for an amount that far outweighs his ability.

That’s how I picture all Eastern European transfers happening.

Alexei , likes it in Scotland. The league is poor enough that his ability masks his lack of fitness and team ethic. His 7 clubs in 9 seasons, his banishment from the Finish national team until the sacking of Stuart Baxter show a player who is marmite. Or the Finish Paddy McCourt.

Another player who is being linked with us is Dylan McGeouch. The former youth level player was transferred to The Darkside 3 years ago in a deal that saw us get Sean Fitzharris from them. It’s reported that the player is set to return and sign a deal which will see him be the highest paid 17 year old in Karbon.

Ross Mathie, who I really want to be that Celtic Legend Alex Mathie’s dad or Uncle or 2nd cousin, is described as a youth supremo so he must know his stuff. He says that Dylan has been brought up at Murray Park where there is a football discipline and that in David Weir he couldn’t have had a better role model.

If the young lad signed he is going on an extensive treatment program that will see him attached to a machine that will send electric shocks into his brain. It’s hoped that all he has learned and any cheating thug like tendencies picked up from Lafferty and McCulloch will be erased from his memory in the hope that he can have a successful career plus live a long and full life in the company of decent human beings.

The treatment is being called Anti Clockwork Orange and is available on the NHS.

Lennon, has a Christmas wish list. I don’t recognise any of the attainable players (not the Keane’s, Givens and Ireland whom if you believe they will happen I would go and see a Doctor as your brain is officially a frozen sprout) on it, which is a good thing as I won’t be outwardly disappointed when we sign them or not.