Sevco tonight terminated the contract of Niko Kranjcar, who’s finest hour in a Sevco shirt was when he posed with it after signing his big bucks contract. From that moment on, he never looked back. In the aftermath he spent so long pinching himself to make sure that yes, they really did give him that deal, that he had numbed the area in question to the point where he could stick a long needle into it and not feel a thing.
Barry Ferguson, gushing his approval in his Daily Record comic strip, compared the signing to Celtic’s capture of Lubomir Moravcick.
Not since Rodney Trotter told Del that his latest pull looked like “the one from Abba” has such a dumb comparison been made, and in Rodney’s defence he did later expand on his description by admitting, “I meant the one with the beard.”
I guess someone should scour all the football databases from the ones in Football Manager to Tranfermarkt.com, to see if there’s a one legged footballer playing in a back three somewhere with the same name as our Slovakian superstar.
It was one of those signings that had Sevco fans gibbering like people who had taken a hit of particularly strong LSD. It had the rest of us pissing ourselves like people who had taken a shot of the laughing gas. The signing was hailed as a masterstroke. Those of us who could do the bare minimum of research agreed, but only if you were talking about from the point of view of the American side who were able to dump his weary bones outside Ibrox.
Kranjcar’s career had hit the skids; that’s me putting it nicely. In point of fact, his career had crashed and burned years before. Before rolling up at Ibrox to a fan and media response so rapturous you’d have sworn he’d turned water into Buckfast he had played a grand total of seven games in 18 months. At Ibrox his game time improved; he managed a massive 17 games in the same length of time. Worth the money? Only for those who spent it on popcorn.
He made not one single domestic appearance during this campaign, although he did play in two crucial games. Crucial in the sense that they sealed the manager’s fate and saw them suffer the most calamitous and embarrassing European football exit ever inflicted on a Scottish club. Yes, he played the two games against Progres, matches which sent more of us to hospital with sore sides than any Dave Chappelle Netflix special ever stood a chance against.
No-one can say for sure what the Croatian diddy sucked out of Ibrox whilst he was there; even the lowest estimate would put him at the club’s average salary; £6,500 per week. Some claim he was on twice or even three times that, but let’s say he’s on the average. Over a month, that’s £26,000 so even a conservative estimate would put you in the region of £400,000 minus bonuses. That’s pretty damning; it comes to a whole £23,000 per match.
Not exactly a bargain, was he?
This is one of those signings that just makes no sense at all; someone, somewhere, must have seen some benefit in it, but I’m baffled as to who. He arrived in the same window as Joey Barton; it was a toss up between the two who the hacks tipped to be player of the year.
For those who said Barton, their pain was over relatively quickly … for those who were Waiting For Niko it has gone on much, much longer.
He will definitely be remembered, especially by our supporters who still chortle at the memory of him at Celtic Park, huffing and puffing through a decrepit first half. He never appeared for the second. I can’t confirm that he huffed and puffed through 20 Club Kingsize instead.
He certainly played like a guy with a forty a day habit … he reminded you a lot of John Robertson without the athleticism … or the skill.
The decision to tear up his contract will have come with a hefty pay-off. He is free to find another club, or maybe The Daily Record will help him launch his media career.
Niko Kranjcar, we barely knew ye.
But you did take the piss royally out of the mob across town, and for that we wish you bon voyage and the best of luck, which you’re going to need because after getting the break you did at Ibrox it’s all downhill from here.