Andrew Grimson’s brilliant biography of Boris Johnson’s premiership opens with one of the most spine-tingling chapters in the history of political memoirs.
It is entitled Death Of A Prime Minister, and it opens thus; “On the morning of Tuesday 7 April 2020, I was commissioned by The Daily Mail to write Boris Johnson’s obituary. At 7pm on Monday evening, the Prime Minister had been admitted to the intensive care unit at St Thomas’ Hospital, and nobody knew if he would pull through.”
The political obituary is as old as politics itself, and Grimson had probably written a few of them. But he was being asked that day to write an actual one, for the still living PM on the off-chance that he would die and they would need to rush something into print.
It’s staggering to think of having to sit down and write such an article.
I have always loved the political obituary, which differs from the actual obituary in that it merely denotes the end of someone’s time in the public arena.
I particularly enjoy the ones people got wrong.
The best example is the notorious “political obituary of Richard Nixon”, which was rushed out in various US newspapers and in one amazing TV news segment after he had lost to Kennedy in 1960 and then followed it up in 1962 by losing to Pat Brown in California’s gubernatorial race.
His career was deemed over, they closed the book on him, and most people thought that was it. Hell, Nixon himself considered his career done; he went out with a bang in the notorious “Last Press Conference” in the aftermath of Brown’s win where he lashed the media for what he rightly or wrongly saw as their years of negative coverage.
“Good morning, gentlemen,” he said, to open that infamous tirade. “Now that Mr. Klein has made his statement, and now that all the members of the press are so delighted that I have lost, I’d like to make a statement of my own.”
And so most people concluded that it was over. They wrote him off. Seven years later he was in The Whtie House. So those obituaries … they don’t always get it right. Because in politics there is always the possibility that you can rise again for a triumphant second act.
Former CEO’s believe that too. They are suckers for the redemption story.
One of the best historical examples is that of Steve Jobs, who was fired from Apple’s board of directors in 1985 by then CEO John Sculley, the guy Jobs had personally recruited to the company from Pepsi. We all know how that story ended; Jobs’ return to the company he founded launched a new era and made them the most profitable business in the world.
I looked forward to Dave King’s departure from Ibrox from the moment he took his seat on the board for a second time. He saw his story in redemptive terms.
I saw it as the opposite. I thought it would be a disaster and that he would leave in disgrace. He never got his moment in the sun; he was gone by the time they won the COVID title.
My obituary of him was called “He Was A Crook” and it was an homage to the actual one Hunter S. Thompson wrote for Nixon himself.
I was able to publish it swiftly on the day he quit, because most of it was written ages before, for much the same reason as The Daily Mail asked Grimson to write the real one for Boris Johnson; it looked like ending badly and I wanted to be first out of the gate.
I can’t recall writing a CEO obituary for Peter Lawwell, although I’m sure I did and it would have been less vicious than King’s but not that much more complimentary.
He wasn’t a crook, at least.
That’s about as nicely as I could have put it.
But he was an egotist and too damned controlling for his good or ours. It would have been something along those lines. I know I didn’t write a word of it in advance. Maybe I had a premonition that it was … premature.
And so it has turned out.
As I wrote about the Glib And Shameless Liar in “He Was A Crook”, Lawwell “was a publicity hungry harlot, ever greedy for the limelight, like a thirsty bird pecking at groundwater.” He sloped off the stage after his Lennon hiring blew up in his face, but he has always loved being the centre of attention, the man of the moment, basking in the glow of other people’s successes.
His return to the stage was about nothing other than milking the applause which Ange and the team he had assembled were drawing from the crowd.
The strategic leaks to the media that it was he who “discovered” the manager and played the crucial role in his hiring were awful. The pieces praising him for it were sickening, sycophant claptrap designed to make Postecoglou’s achievement his own … that’s all it was, it was pure attention seeking self-serving egotism.
It did this club no good whatsoever.
And because Ange’s team seemed so far in front of the domestic competition Lawwell could not resist returning to ride that wave, sure that it offered him his path to redemption and just maybe that statue on the Celtic Way after all.
Well Peter Lawwell is still the Celtic chairman today, and in good health. This team has not yet lost its grip on this title. But the damage has been done, come what may.
His return to this club has been a disaster of momentous proportions, an utter embarrassment which reveals his alleged great strategic genius for the smoke and mirrors deception some of us always suspected that it was, and which some of us even said that it was over and over again.
Some will say that it’s too early to write him off, that anyone who would attempt to write the “political obituary” of Peter Lawwell, at this point in time, is a reckless crazy fool. Well, I will go where others fear to tread.
Because even if we turn this campaign around, he’ll get none of the credit and deserves none. He was never going to be a beloved figure in Celtic history, not after the first Rodgers debacle and the hiring of Lennon. But he would not have been reviled.
His grasping, desperate, need to be at the centre of the universe, and the subsequent chaos that utterly selfish decision has wrought on this club in a little over twelve months, has almost certainly guaranteed that he will be.
Recently, I had a weird epiphany when I “saw” the ending for one of my two unfinished novels. I was in a taxi with a friend of mine and we were talking about the project and she said something or I did and I had the ending in a split second.
I saw it so clearly, I was even able to tell her what the final words of the book will be, and without giving away a single plot point here they are. “I do too.”
As just as I began that obituary for Dave King years before he left Ibrox for the last time in an executive role, I confidently predict that when I come to write my second one for Peter Lawwell that I will start with the following words; seven-forty-seven.
That’s days. Day 748 is significant for being a day that won’t come to pass. It’s today, and today will never happen the way that it was supposed to.
You know when I quoted John Fogerty recently when I said that “someday never comes”? That’s day 748. A nearly day but not quite there. Today is that day, the day that never was. Peter Lawwell Day, you could call it if you were feeling morbid. The day of the big parade in his honour.
Because that’ll never come either, only now the metaphorical roller of big cigars and the political equivalent of a visit from the emperor of ice cream. Lawwell once said that his tombstone would have Steven Fletcher’s name on it. He was wrong.
His legacy is much worse than Steven Fletcher.
His legacy may well be an Ibrox club, financially doping itself to the gills with borrowed money securing a Champions League jackpot which will cover a multitude of sins, and one we gave away by accumulated cash from weakening the team.
That would make the Steven Fletcher window look like a roaring success story. It would make the John McGinn one look like a triumph.
As I told him on the morning after the AEK Athens game, when I realised that he had briefed the BBC the previous night against Brendan Rodgers, “Look on the bright side; if you get this wrong, you’ll never have to worry about hearing Steven Fletcher’s name again.”
Seven-forty-seven.
That’s what should be written on his headstone instead.
747 is how many days it had been, until yesterday, since the Ibrox club had a clear lead at the top of the SPFL. And by a clear lead I mean on points with the same number of games played.
It’s a long time. It would have been even longer had that man and those around him not made such a mess of this club.
The Ibrox club were ahead for less than a day in August 2022, the third weekend of last season, but we had a game in hand and comfortably beat Kilmarnock (of all clubs) 5-0 the following day to move back to the summit.
So, the last time they had breathing space was 2 February that same year, but on that night they came to Parkhead a point in front and they left on the end of the 3-0 beating that put us top.
On that night we were in the ascendent, and coming off the back of two phenomenal transfer windows in a row. Two major events sandwiched between Day 1 and Day 747 changed that, decisively.
The first was the day Peter Lawwell’s son took over the transfer strategy, and just a few months later Daddy Lawwell returned to Celtic as chairman, and we immediately launched headfirst into a paroxysm of self-immolation.
The first to go was Ange Postecoglou, and if you believe the narrative the board has spun they were absolutely shocked to discover that he was looking to get out of our club as fast as he could. Shocked even after they had offered him contracts and he one at a time turned them all down.
Their story justifying Lawwell Jnr’s appointment has ever been that Postecoglou wanted him as part of some “dream team.” It’s a lie, and Postecoglou himself has confirmed that on numerous occasions when he’s made it absolutely clear that he never saw himself remaining at Celtic for other than a brief time.
If Lawwell and Desmond didn’t know that he had one foot out the door from the minute he rebuffed their first effort to tie him down on a long-term deal these are the stupidest two people running a football club anywhere in Europe.
And you know what? Looking at their history, they might well be.
Peter Lawwell is, right now, just 414 days into what was supposed to be his redemption story, and it’s already obvious that this is headed for a collapse in utter ruins along with the ambitions we had of going on another long run of titles.
Today, it’s the Ibrox club with the wind at their back as we flail around in this abject state and I hold Peter Lawwell personally responsible for that, and I find the idea that he and Desmond intend to build family dynasties here to be noxious. It is completely unacceptable.
Those family names are as tainted as the Kelly’s and White’s and mark my words, they are heading for a similar end. Celtic fans have been asleep at the wheel for too damned long … but when this support is fully awake and tuned in and recognises what these people have done, that ambition will get its very own obituary. It will simply not be permitted.
You know that old question about what if you could attend your own funeral? There is a wonderfully dark story which, to me, is a classic tale of egotism and the obituary coming together.
In 2007, a Bosnian guy called Amir Vehabovic, for reasons which only he will understand, decided to find out who his friends really were. He planned a funeral and then faked his death. And then he visited his final farewell to see how loved he was.
You know how many people showed up?
The priest and his mother. And having got the answer he was looking for, he then penned a furious letter to all the people who had failed to pay their respects.
“I paid a lot of money to get a fake death certificate and bribe undertakers to deliver an empty coffin,” this pitiful screed read. “I really thought a lot more of you, my so-called friends, would turn up … It just goes to show who you can really count on.”
That sort of self-centredness is rare. But you do find it in some former CEO’s.
Lawwell, who once dreamed of exiting Celtic Park on a wave of grateful cheering, as a conquering hero, will leave with a very different sound ringing in his ears.
If the club decides to throw him a farewell bash, I suggest they hire some extras to fill out the hall. 747 of them would be an appropriate number I think.
And even as this league really starts tae get away from us, ye can be assured, lawwell and desmond are already schemin how tae get next seasons ST money in early. They’ll always rely on the Celtic support bein loyal (gullible) tae a fault and that suits them fine.
If they ever do erect a statue to The Liar outside Celtic Park they better supply 24 hour guards.
Some readers find your ‘preambles’ superfluous, boring even. They are eager to get to the main course.
Personally, I love them. For me they provide that which is missing from a lot of the ‘Celtic Bubble’ fare we usually dine on, ‘Context’. None of thé ‘he said, she said’ banal prose but the ‘Who, Why, when, where,’ that provide the context which exposes the history, nature, ambition and flaws of the protagonist’s. Those things that are obviously self evident, but are ignored by the likeminded people who exist in the same orbit.
Pedro’s biggest problem right now is survival. Does he jettison his own son to save his own skin? Or does he paint Brendan as the villain of the piece and fire him or provoke another ‘midnight flitting’. Does he ditch Kennedy & Strachan, the less than ‘’Dynamic Duo’ to appease the fans? Even more serious for him could be that the Board in order to preserve their own necks would be prepared to throw him to the wolves. Time will tell. As will his poisoned legacy.
When a ‘Celtic History’ is written covering the first quarter of the 20th Century, PL will play a considerable part. We can only hope that the researchers compiling his accomplishments are able to provide the proper ‘Context’ to his deeds. Almost total domination for the Team on the field of play against a backdrop of serious underachievement on the financial strength of Celtic due to his meddling in Football related matters. The untold millions wasted on recruiting the ‘next best thing’, a strategy that his offspring Lawwell mini seems intent on pursuing. Or the ‘ Opportunity Costs’ incurred when losing out on transfers due to his parsimony, McGinn and others. The failed European ‘adventures’ due to the team, being not ready (best players sold pre competition and not replaced). His obsession with hiring Lennon as Manager thus putting another inadequate, unqualified ‘Yes Man’ in place.
Running Celtic as his personal fiefdom is probably his greatest sin. The Nepotism, Cronyism, and let’s face it the Tyranny that he wielded enabled all his faults to run wild to the detriment of Celtic. The Celtic Board, all recruited during his tenure is by and large comprised of aged, white, middle class men with backgrounds in business. They are Conservatives, with large and small ‘C’s’.
Unimaginative, bereft of original thought and too ensconced in their easy life to consider other options. Inertia personified.
Judgement Day is at hand for them and it is not overly dramatic to state that the future of Celtic , medium and long term, is on the line and not just this years title. Questions around Ownership, Accountability & Transparency need to be urgently addressed. If not, then the inevitable Peter Lawwells of the future will find a welcoming environment at our Club and we will find ourselves in the same undesirable position. A Football Club or a Financial Business that’s our options. Fans or repeat Customers loyal to the Brand.
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Well said SFAetc.
The last time Celtic fans left the Stadium without our club being top of the league,was when Abada scored that injury time winner against Dundee Utd in January 2022.
Celtic were top of the league for 78 league games in a row, after our 3-0 midweek victory a few days later against Sevco.
Celtic started the following season with a 2-0 Sunday victory against Aberdeen and that was enough to put Celtic top on Week 1 and we stayed there all season.
This season,a 4-2 victory against Ross County was once again enough to put Celtic top after Week 1 and we stayed there until yesterday.
Richard Nixon was a prince of a man…compared to Peter Lawwell. Here’s hoping that Pete The Cheat has his Watergate moment sooner, rather than later.
Hail Hail.
Really good article. Well written and eloquently sums up how many of us feel.
Spot on James, all you say about the Lawells resonates with most Celtic supporters. They have to go. Simple. As bad as the Whyte’s and Kelly’s era, no, I was that season ticket holder, but getting there. Rodgers has been shafted here, promised whatever, but been handed no first team signings. Is he at fault, maybe partly, but we all know where the blame lies. Also, Kennedy, etc.as coaches? Jobs for the pals … not posted for wee while, just so pissed off. League is over
excellent james…thank you.
So he`s not immortal after all: he could have fooled me. So, with a wee bit of luck he could retire within the next twenty years, At least Celtic fans have something to look forward to now during that period.
Interesting read, thanks.
To go from Boris, to Nixon, to King – and right down to Peter Lawwell
in the same article takes some creativity!
A curious point about PL does linger:
accountants are – typically – not renowned for seeking the limelight,
and normally prefer to operate quietly in the background, [like Nicholson].
Maybe Lawwell is just a frustrated luvvie ? 🙂
Bring back Ian McDonald, & Brian Dempsey..
Is Ian McDonald not a Sevco fan Jimmy !
Even shows what a shower of gutless bastards they are, when ye take for example, the DR today absolutely bathin in the Kilmarnock x ibrox player openly insultin the Celtic support when they equalised. Sit there and say nothin, when they should be bannin these pro ibrox media maggots from our ground.
Unaccustomed as I am to quoting Enoch Powell, “all political careers end in failure”. Two people at our club might now also recognise the validity of the sage words “you should never go back”.
I am resigned to losing the title now. On top of the fact our team has no fight in it, Sevco are like the rank outsider who took the fight against the champ purely for the purse, only to get in the ring to find out the champ hasn’t trained properly and is distracted. They aren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth and even if they do falter, those fine chaps Hugh Dallas handpicked will provide a little help for their friends if required.
The epitaph of that pair can be that faced with the historic opportunity to take the club onto another level, they opted instead to lock us permanently in to a toxic, parochial rivalry.
Brilliant article James. It just saddens me how so many of our Celtic family haven’t worked it out yet. The writing was on the wall as soon as it was reported that Lawwell was coming back. You would have thought that the lure of the Champions league money might have made the difference but as you say his egotism surpasses all. HH
A CEO who does not tell the truth to small shareholders at an AGM should never have been appointed as a Chairman of future AGMs.
His appointment was an act of contempt for the Celtic support.
It is the same concept that let’s the Board state how they meet the ACIM governance code and the only way to get rid of both him and DD is via legal action.
Problem is who can speak for all the support not just shareholders.
How is all covered on this blog on Sentinel Celts. It is necessary to read the documents linked to in order to make any judgement on the suggestions.
That will take time which can be a turn off for those not prepared to do the hard work that change requires but it would be good to get feedback on the proposals made.
https://sentinelcelts.com/2024/02/15/celtic-and-corporate-governance/
Desmond’s fault. End of story.
Lawwells fault even more. Greedy money grabbing Tory B@stard.
As I said yesterday the single biggest factor by far with consistently winning football matches is quality of player. Regardless of who’s in the managers seat without the requisite quality of player you’re toast.
Did Dom Mckay/Ange sign more quality in one year than the other 3?
Let’s have a look at arrivals.
2020/2021 (Peter Lawwell)
Ajeti
Barkas
Turnbull
Duffy
Kenny jj
Laxalt
2021/2022 (Mckay)
Kyogo
CCV
Jota
Starfelt
Abada
Juranovic
Giakoumakis
O’Reilly
Hatate
Hart
Maeda
Ideguchi
2022/2023( welcome Mark Lawwell/ welcome back Peter Lawwell)
Bernabei
Johnston
Oh
Haskabanovic
Abildgard
Siegrist
Mooy
Iwata
Kobayashi
Jenz
2023/2024
Nawrocki
Palma
Kuhn
Lagerbielke
Holm
Yang
Tilio
Kwon
Yet some still want to treat the symptom and ignore the Cause.
Any manager in any job at 51. Should be capable of employing his own staff. Players etc,
Just like the 2 additions on Saturday allegedly
Top Quality singings…
Well we now know the enemy ( from within the club). Hindsight is great, but now is not the time for the purge of the board or DD.
Rodgers was sold a pup or didn’t do due diligence of what he was getting into, i.e. youtube coaching staff and recruitment guru.
We have to stick with him, any descent manager at this time, with his coaches, wouldn’t touch this job with our present board.
Now we have to clearly focus, UNITED, on getting out of this mess.
We have a small chance of turning this around and winning the league to progress to European riches.
So let us all move on for now, focus on supporting the team with all our efforts, we might just overcome the odds against us, never give up.
Another Board apologist hiding behind the ‘not now’ mantra. If not now then when?
When the season Books come out before the end of the Season?
It’s thinking like this that got the Club to this juncture.
No point in prevaricating, lance the boils now before it’s too late.
Good article James, love the waffle.
Sid you selectively missed out a few unsuccessful signings under Ange including some I suspect he identified I last summer but you reasoning none the less is sound fella.
Kevin don’t read the DR then.
The league and cup is still there for the taking with a bit of improvement and finishing of those chances and half chances.
Is there any light at the end of the tunnel re CCV and Hatate and AJ? C’mon a Hoops
McKay.. who’s McKay
Celtic won the title at Tynecastle last season on May 7th and then only TWO days later,Celtic released a statement about applications for season tickets for this season.
WE’RE ALL IN
Was the slogan used by the Celtic Board to get us to renew our season tickets.
Absolute joke.
Easy to do on the back of a world record winning eighth treble…
It might not be so easy this time around –
But no doubt 60,000 faithful Hoops fans will shell out their hard earned cash to watch Celtic being cheated on an industrial scale !
Rather them than me – That’s for sure !!!