Peter Houston Makes An Honest Mistake & Player Ratings.

When Peter Houston got the Dundee United job it was fairly obvious – even to the most casual observer – that he was fourth or fifth choice and that deep down he didn’t want that job.

He even made that proclamation after watching his team get gubbed 7 – 1 from the Kinning Parkers last December. He seems like a man who is dating the love of his life but detests his step kids and the problems they bring.

If you cut him open you would see embossed on his bleeding torso; Born To Be A No Mark Number 2. He longs a quiet life but his bitterness towards us and in particular our manager means that he needs to come out his comfort zone and become a man who looks like he is having sex with road kill and not conducting an interview.

Last season after Lennon – rightly – claimed that Celtic had been the only team trying to win, Houston claimed that Lennon should come back when he had been on an 11 game unbeaten run and reached a Scottish Cup Final.

We arrived yesterday well ahead of 11 unbeaten and once again played Houston’s team of the park with, to quote the manager, breathtaking football. Houston’s team contains thugs like Jon Daly, Gary Kenneth, Sean Dilion and some guy called The Fresh Prince Of Fresh Air. They were played off the park by guys who – when they put their minds to it – can play a bit.

Stokes looked like he had been sleeping with Zidane, Ki, despite looking like a used bog brush, showed the benefits of pass and move and Mark Wilson proved that even a player who will not threaten our first team when all are fit is better than United can offer.

Houston saying that our managers celebrations were embarrassing also fails grasp the beauty of the game he is involved in. If scoring a last minute winner after being blatantly being cheated doesn’t allow for a bit of homoerotic manly release then what does?

Celtic nearly paid the price for trying to score the perfect goal yesterday. Lennon’s team selection did little to dispel the notion that he suffers from Tombola Team Selection Syndrome where it appears that he tosses names into a drum and picks them. But it’s great when it works.

The only constants now seem to be Danny, Glenda, Ledley and Maloney. Scott Brown was a constant before injury. The manager saw him as the wheel nut to his boogie and many watched with interest yesterday to see if as Celtic could perform with that wheel nut as it was deemed that Ki or Crosas wouldn’t be able to fill that role.

Celtic, seemed to be better for that nut not being involved yesterday.

The ratings:

Forster, it  moves, it punches, 7. Mark Wilson, the reason we signed you..WATCH THAT STEP, 8. Danny, protector of giants, 7. Loovens, good gemme, good gemme, 7. Lizzy McGuire, slight return, 7.

Sammy, just hit the fecking ball towards the net, 6. Ledley, pass, 7. Ki, Domestos head, 7. Maloney, captains curse, 5. Paddy, Captains Tale, 3.

Stokes, great tekkers (sic), 8. Hooper, tip tap tap, 7.

Mark Wilson wins MOTM from Stokes due to his gelled hair, bhoyish looks and lack of in-vogue tattoos.

STELLA ARTOIS WORLD DRAUGHT MASTERS