Samaras Is The Ring Master Of The Lithuanian State Circus (Facts, Findings And Thoughts About The Comprehensive Gubbing Of The Jam Farts)

I was disappointed.

Really disappointed.

The much vaunted (and paranoid) Mowgli didn’t make an appearance after a controversial decision. No other cartoon characters made an appearance either. No Baloo, no Winnie The Pooh and no Mickey Mouse. Nothing.

Maybe Vladimir Romaov has other things to worry about in his luxury nuclear submarine. Like the Taxman serving a winding up notice (again) on his Embra’ concern and his other two clubs (FBK Kanus and Partizan Minsk) have both been demoted from their respective leagues as Vlad The Mad has withdrawn financial backing from both clubs.

Or maybe he is just fed up bemoaning dodgy officials which seem to still be a blight on our game. The wicked witch is dead but her (him in this case) off-spring are still roaming around proving to be incapable semi life-forms.

Wullie Gollum is the main nugget. An official made from the discarded goo of his former master. Useless. A catalogue of errors so large that it dwarfs an Argos book.

Stephen Elloitt’s header did cross the line in the second minute of the gemme. I’m not having the accusation that is being fired at Joe Ledley THAT he handled the ball though. That wasn’t something that crossed my mind when I was shrieking: “F**k naw!” at the telly. It wasn’t that obvious or noticeable and it seems that in the aftermath it’s become a BIG DEAL.

Gollum’s view of the incident was clear. That was the problem. He only gives things that he doesn’t see. The man shouldnae be allowed near top flight football or even low level football.

I fully expect him to be sent back to make amends before the season is out over this grave error.

The aftermath has seen the accusation that we have got LUCKY twice this season gather support when in fact Sky proved the exact opposite with their analysis of the goal that never was.

Something over the Wallace footage has never sat right with me. Sky produce HIGH DEFINITION pictures which show the goosebumps on Hayley McQueens amply cleavage when she is presenting Sky Sports News.

They have multiple cameras at every game they cover. A camera to cover ALL possibilities. They can have Gary Neville moving players around, zooming in and out and rotating views 360 degrees on Monday Night Football.

On Wednesday night within 30 seconds they had crystal clear proof that the header had crossed the line. It was razor sharp, clear as glass and in glorious technocolour.

So WHY is the picture of the Wallace goal (sic) as fuzzy as a Bigfoot sighting from 1968? Did they really want to create an air of dubiety as it’s CLEAR that Big Double F saved the fecking thing?

Hearts manager – this week – Paulo Sergio is a bit dumb.

You do have some sympathy for someone desperate enough to take the Hearts managers job. Over recent seasons the job welcome pack has come with a 3 month voucher for the Holiday Inn and a Rosetta Stone CD.

The current incumbent seems harmless in sort of I finished 20th in the 1978 Eurovision Sing Contest (with a song called Bump, Bop, Bang, Bang Girl) way. He is bumbling but doing a decent joab.

Though his take that we have improved domestically because we are out of the Europa League is so far from the mark that I do reckon a cruise ship crooner is what he should be.

We have improved because off the Europa League and our performances in it. It bred confidence in the squad that we could play and be organised against semi decent opposition. The only team to defeat us in the Europa League groups was Athletico Madrid.

Aye, our confidence really took a battering when we were looking out our passports right enough.

Scott Broon’s (who I would hate if he didn’t play for us) finish was exquisite but his flick over the Hearts player in the middle of the park was gallus. He has scored 4 games in a row for the first time in his career (I think – Soccerbase.com seems to be a bit dubious this morning).

His celebration is folklore now. Arms out stretched and face expressionless. He had an extra bit of devilness in it the other evening with it being Swinecastle.

Though, that was just a side story. Did you notice Samaras reaction or lack of reaction? Sammy had ‘thighed’ the ball into Broonies path. Did he mean it or was it just an atrocious touch? His reaction didn’t give any clue to whether he meant it or not.

Why?

He didn’t move. He stood there legs apart looking like someone had just stolen his IPhone. As the players celebrate with Broonie, Sammy is just standing still in the background not moving a muscle. There is no change in facial expression.

You can’t work out whether he is disgusted with himself at such a poor first touch, feeling absolutely fantastic that a bit of improvisation had lead to a goal or disappointed that no-one is thanking him for his part in the goal.

Lennon praised Samaras post match. He said that the Big Man has been a ‘leader’ on this run. Samaras has played in 12 of 13 games. The only victory that he missed was Dunfermline at home. He has scored 2 goals during this time.

He has offered something else. On Wednesday night watching him in full flight is like watching a thoroughbred charging around Aintree. Like Broonie he needs his role defined and he has to be comfortable in this role. Facing opponents and running at them seems to his forte. Acceptance has come with us beginning to realise that he is not a striker. He still frustrates the life out of you. See Wednesday when he had the chance to realise numerous forwards but didnae bother to.

It can’t all be perfect, can it?

Like Victor Wayama’s rain dance. He would have been rightly p*ssed that the full flow wasn’t captured due to unappreciative team mates wanting to celebrate with him. Didn’t they know that he was going to do a little ‘Jive’ after his Van Basten/Bergkamp/Larsson esq turn and shot in a crowed penalty area? It was a strikers goal from a defensive midfielder. We need him to score again so we can see the full Kenyan Shuffle.

He should teach some of the team it. I reckon Kelvin Wilson could bust a move or two.

Ledley’s pat the badge slide and tumble is old skool and Gary Hoopers screaming like a kid getting a BMX on Christmas morning is always welcome. But…Victor’s and Sammy’s were interesting.

Stats Entertainment.

In our 13 games we have used 11 different back lines with only the Hearts/St Johnstone and R*ngers/ Dunfermline sequences seeing the same back four trotted out. Who says you have to have a settled back 4?

I say you have to have a decent midfield. Though having the delightful Thomas Rogne helps.

We play ICT on Saturday hoping to trot up our 14th win on the trot. While we don’t usually need a reason for wanting our team to win how about that if WE DO trot up our 14th win in a row we over-take R*ngers record of 13 straight wins achieved under Walter Smith in 2007/2008?

Another record gone before they go bust?