“Time For A Public Inquiry Into Celtic’s Dodgy Decisions”: A Keith Jackass Interview.

“Time For A Public Inquiry Into Celtic’s Dodgy Decisions”: A Keith Jackass Interview.

Tonight, Celtic escaped from a humiliating Scottish Cup knock-out.

They won the game 4-0, but would surely have been heading for a much more embarrassing outcome had Raith Rovers been given a penalty, a couple of Celtic players been sent off and Ange Postecoglou banished to the stand.

It is not the first time this season that major decisions have gone Celtic’s way, decisions which had an obvious impact on games.

Former referee Billy Mason, who officiated at the top level in the North Larkhall Pub League Second Division, told this columnist that this needs to end, and the only way it ends is with a full public inquiry into Celtic’s influence, resulting in the shut-down of the club for as much as ten years.

We met in his workplace, an Orange Hall, and I started by asking him about the perception that referees in Scotland are biased.

What do you say when you hear that, Billy?

Well, it’s perfectly obvious that they are biased. They are biased in favour of Celtic. People scoff when you say this, but then people scoff when you tell them about the one world government, and we all know that the global elite really are trying to form a unitary authority which enslaves the human race and sends dissenters to forced labour camps.

Ookay … refereeing bias … did you see it yourself?

Well, not personally. I mean, most of the referees in the league I was in are straight-down-the-line neutrals, good brothers, solid. I’m talking about the SFA. And do you need to see it for yourself for it to be obvious? I mean, I’ve not seen, for myself, the evidence that the vaccines contain tiny microchips, but we all know that’s a fact, right? I mean, think about it …

Okay .. if referees are biased, what can we do about it?

Well, this is why we need an inquiry. An inquiry will look into all these links, those between Nicola Sturgeon and the Celtic board. You know those links go through the Labour Party, right? The so-called mutual hatred between the two parties … God, I can’t believe anyone falls for that! It’s so obvious that it’s a smokescreen whilst they co-ordinate the de-Protestantisation of Scotland.

The … what? Ahem … let’s stay on the subject of officials … can we talk about some of the decisions which have annoy … I mean surprised you the most?

Well there are all the penalties Celtic get. Way more than the average for a Catholic team. Ridiculous. There are all the goals they score. Tell me that there’s not something suspect in it. Even those which aren’t offside still have some element of cheating. Look at Hatate’s second. If he isn’t on the pitch how can he score? And he shouldn’t have been on the pitch, should he? How did he get a work permit so fast? How did the Aussie manager? I thought the government was cracking down on immigrants! I mean, they’re not even Europeans, and so we can’t even blame Germany … Scotland just opens the floodgates and lets the tide flow in, doesn’t it? Too many bleeding heart fenians in charge. They are trying to dilute Scottish blood.

Ahem … okay … say when we can get a public inquiry into refereeing. What do you hope to … sorry, what do you think it would find? What would its aim be?

Well, clearly it needs to be run by a good Protestant judge, preferably one from East Belfast. That’s the only way we can guarantee that the taint of Republicanism – Irish and Scottish – doesn’t seep into the decision making. The objective would be to bring forth the proof – we all know it’s out there, I have dossiers, and I know the club has dossiers – and put it in the public domain. Then, once it is laid out, the only responsible response will be for the Westminster government to close down Celtic as a club. That’s the only way we’ll get anywhere. And it has to be Westminster. There is no way this will happen in Scotland. Look who is in coalition with our “National Socialists” right now; the Greens. I mean, how brazen can they be? They don’t even hide their allegiance to Ireland and Celtic do they? It makes me sick.

And are we talking about a temporary measure here? The closure of Celtic?

Temporary. Aye. Cause we need them, don’t we? The punishment has to fit the crime though, so I suggest that we shut them for nine years. Or ten. Just to make sure. On that subject, you do realise that their nine in a row was funded by the Vatican don’t you? I saw a video about that on Follow Follow, I can send you the link … stuff in there you will not believe. It’s by the same boy who said that the Omicron virus was manufactured out of a lab in Dublin and smuggled across to Scotland by a nun, in a Holy Water bottle, wrapped in a Celtic scarf …

Billy is clearly an angry man, and as a former ref it obviously breaks his heart to see the state of the game now that so many poor, and quite possibly biased, officials are in charge.

Furthermore, his idea about a UK led national inquiry into Celtic’s rash of dodgy decisions has already gained widespread support within the game, from the likes of Alex Rae, Alan Hutton, Kris Boyd, Craig Levein and Jimmy Bell.

As the clock ticks down towards that certain outcome, we reached out to a senior individual at Celtic tonight, but he was reluctant to comment.

“Listen mate, I’m not going to answer your bloody stupid questions. I’ve already had that arsehole Hugh Keevins on the phone tonight apologising for taking the piss out of my accent this morning in his column … the media here is the worst I’ve ever had to put up with. I understood the Japanese press more than you lot, and they don’t even write in English. But neither do most of you from the scraps I’ve read of your crap paper.”