Of all the drivel and dreck, of all the painful articles, that were written in the course of this campaign, slagging our manager and his team, the worst of them, by some considerable distance, was penned (allegedly) by the Village Idiot School Reject back in July.
There are articles that get a couple of things wrong.
There are articles which get almost everything wrong.
But to write a piece that sweeps the boards and gets absolutely nothing at all right, that’s the stuff of which legends are made.
That’s almost impressive.
But nothing about it is actually impressive.
It is one of the direst pieces of writing to emerge from Scottish football in many a year; hysterical, nonsensical, taking stupidity to unforeseen heights. It is the kind of piece most people in the profession could not survive.
Ange was appointed on 10 June.
He didn’t arrive in Glasgow for many weeks.
Pre-season training at the club started 5 July.
And just 25 days later, Kris Boyd turned in what future generations will regard as his masterpiece; an article so disastrous it should be preserved for all time.
Even the title is howling at the moon;
“TIME TO GO? Celtic boss Postecoglou has no backing from board – he should quit, says Kris Boyd.”
If you’re already rocking with laughter don’t worry, that reaction is perfectly normal and perfectly reasonable in the circumstances. It is rank madness. The article then begins … and it all goes downhill from there.
Let’s go line by line. Each is nearly perfect in its wrongness.
“ANGE POSTECOGLOU has no authority at Celtic, no backing, no support from the board — and virtually no chance of being successful.”
That was his opener. Isn’t that perfect? In hindsight it is simply beautiful, an example of utter ignorance so complete that they should teach it in journalism school as an example of writing without being in possession of a single fact or shred of understanding. Even at the time it seemed astonishingly over the top, and quite hysterical.
“Unless things change, there’s no point in him being there.”
A daft assertion on its own. The man has just arrived in Scotland and Boyd would have him up sticks again and leave, without backwards glance. No point? What about – in the scenario he described having a shred of truth to it – winning people over? Changing minds? None of that was deemed possible, or important? What an idiot this guy is.
“Right now, if I was him I’d pack my bags and go.”
Which is astonishing. And based on a fundamental premise which it must have been obvious to his editors was preposterous. Ange has no authority? Based on what? No support from the board? You mean, the board that literally just hired him? The amazing thing is to remember that, yes, someone at the paper actually read this and supported its publication.
“Postecoglou might as well hand in his resignation and take himself back to Australia.”
He actually arrived in Scotland from Japan; Boyd couldn’t even get a fact as simple as that right.
“This is a guy who had to stew in a hotel room when he was required to go into quarantine when he first arrived in the country.”
And what? That was the process. Boyd throws that in there as if it was Celtic’s fault.
“Yet now he’s forced to wait for players who will have to go through the same process.”
Absolute nonsense. Some of the players we were later to sign needed to do no such thing; there was an exemption for elite sportsmen and testing protocols already in place. Some of them, who did have to quarantine, were doing so already whilst the deals were still being worked on. Boyd, of course, knew none of that, being a Grade One fud.
“Have Celtic not noticed? The league starts this weekend, but they are nowhere near ready to challenge Rangers for the title.”
I am certain that everyone at Celtic was well aware of when the league campaign got underway. They were, and are perfectly capable of reading a calendar.
“It’s as if they think the Premiership doesn’t kick-off until September.”
People were working hard behind the scenes. Boyd, of course, was writing from a total blind-spot of thinking the worst, always, and seeing our club as even more amateurish than it actually was. Everyone was well aware that the clock was ticking. They were also aware – Ange primarily – of the need not to simply rush things. Every decision had to be right. Every player signed had to be vetted in full by the man himself. It proved wildly successful.
“They were so short-sighted for the last few seasons by their ten-in-a- row dream they completely took their eye off the ball.”
You mean, do you, those seasons where we were winning domestic trebles? Four of them in a row? Most people thought that they went pretty well. And Lennon was given a huge amount of money to spend, to add to the squad already there. The board’s biggest mistake was hiring Lennon in the first place; nobody can dispute that they backed him to the hilt.
“And now Celtic have become so STALE.”
Apart from the new manager, the new players we’d already signed and the new CEO? We were clearly a club transitioning from one era to another. That was the plan. It was underway. Only an idiot could have looked at the changes already at the club at that point and conclude that things were stale. Whatever else they were, we weren’t that.
“Chairman Iain Bankier is on a bumper annual salary, for what? Celtic need new, youthful blood in their boardroom and fresh ideas.”
Here’s the thing; I can’t stand Bankier. But I’m willing to bet that if you put Idiot Boy on the spot at that time and asked him to tell you what Bankier’s salary was he would have stuttered and stammered like a kid in school caught watching porn on his phone.
“They are currently searching for a new goalie, despite the fact they spent £5million on one a year ago, when all they had to do was keep Craig Gordon.”
Such lazy, lazy thinking, and banging an old drum. Clubs make mistakes. That’s just a fact. Every club has transfer stories it doesn’t look back on with pride, and the signing of Barkas was one of ours. What we’re being criticised here for is wanting to be better. We allowed Gordon to leave because we thought there was better out there. We failed to sign the right guy; some players do find it hard to settle. But Gordon didn’t slip through our fingers, we let him leave. We thought that there were better options available. And we got one of them, it just took an extra year.
“The other day there was even a suggestion Celtic should bring Gordon back. Like that’s ever going to happen!”
Yeah but that “suggestion” was not made by anyone credible, and certainly not anyone with the slightest inside knowledge or influence at Celtic. It was a daft idea put forward by another idiot hack just as lazy and clueless as this idiot.
“People need to stop living in cloud cuckoo land when it comes to Celts.”
And people had to stop looking at our club through blue-tinted specs and seeing only what they wanted to see. This whole article was cloud cuckoo land.
“It’s time for them to wake up and smell the coffee and see what’s been going on in there.”
Except that Boyd didn’t then, or now, have any clue what was going on in there. He’s about to prove it too, not too much further into the piece.
“I have been critical in the past and been ridiculed for it by Celtic fans. But they are now agreeing with pretty much everything I’ve said.”
Stop laughing lol. Honestly. This moron actually believed that.
“I had my say on Leigh Griffiths’ situation 18 months ago and was lambasted for it.”
Imagine invoking that disgusting article, so extreme and so abhorrent that even some of his colleagues backed away from him as if he might be struck by lightning. All who recall that piece know that it dredged the sewer. It was as disgusting as it could be.
“Those fans were all so blinkered, similar to their board, because their team was winning — but now they are booing one of their own.”
Disgraceful. To use one situation to chest-beat over the other. There is no low Boyd is not prepared to stoop to in order to defend his own repellent views.
“But I’ll give them this, they are right to be on top of this board and hammering them for the way they have conducted themselves.”
And some of us were unimpressed by the board way in advance of last summer. So what?
“If I was ploughing my money into the club at the rate some of them have been down the years I wouldn’t be impressed either.”
If Boyd, who’s spent his life taking money out of the game, ever put a penny back into it I would frankly find that miraculous.
“Celtic have brought in fortunes for players down the years, yet they find themselves miles behind Rangers.”
A colossal misreading of the respective positions of the clubs, as I said at the time and as was to be proved in the coming months. Our fundamentals were solid. The so-called gap was not what it looked like based on last season’s table. This club has always been stronger than theirs, we only needed proper leadership and that would become apparent. In terms of the general point, we were to sell key players just weeks later and give the manager the cash to spend big … and those signings were ultimately the ones who would deliver the title.
“We touched on it last week but their back four in that European tie was just RIDICULOUS.”
That defensive unit had two players in it who would become stalwarts this season. One of the others was a candidate for the sports writer’s young player of the year award! Welsh didn’t deserve to be on the list, but he’s a decent player. Boyd’s reaction was based, in particular, on seeing one player named in it … Tony Ralston. As he goes on to say.
“Tony Ralston had been on loan to other teams in Scotland and he was so ordinary I’m not sure any of them would have him back.”
Ho-ho-ho and it gets better …
“Yet he’s found himself as Celtic’s only right-back. How is that even possible. But then who is signing their players right now?”
How wondrous to read that now, in hindsight, after the boy came within an ace of making those player of the year lists, having had a storming campaign which has made him a fan favourite, got him a new deal and pushed him to the brink of the Scotland squad. The snide comment about “who is signing the players” is typical of the hacks and their lazy thinking, falling back on that old line. We had brought in some projects, on deals already done … but the moment Ange was in the building, every major signing decision went through him.
“Postecoglou says he’s struggled to convince people on players he wants to bring in.”
Did he? When was this? I strongly suspect that’s a misquote if we’re being generous.
“Who exactly is he talking about? That’s a rhetorical question, because I’m pretty sure I know the answer.”
Wow. “A rhetorical question”. Which blogs has Boyd been reading to come up with that expression? It’s actually a bullshit question, to which he supplied his own answer.
“It’s almost like the situation at Manchester United when Sir Alex Ferguson stepped down when he had so much power and influence behind the scenes.”
I’ve read that line repeatedly and I still don’t know what the Hell it means. What was like the situation at Manchester United? What is the relevance or similarity?
“They appointed Davie Moyes when he didn’t have anywhere near the same level of authority.”
Says who? Where did this yahoo pluck that from? Not from the factual universe and not from anything he knows directly. Pure speculation based on God knows what passed off as fact.
“Also, weren’t Celtic supposed to be bringing in a director of football?”
Yeah, and Ange nixed the idea the minute he was appointed. Boyd doesn’t know this – none of us did – so it’s not totally ridiculous for him to ask … but this is a guy whose spent the article trying to convince people that Ange has no authority and no backing. Boyd didn’t have a clue that Ange’s authority was such that he had forced the club to tear up every one of the plans that had existed prior to his being appointed. So much for a guy not in charge of his own destiny.
“Fergal Harkin is someone I know very well from his time working at Nike and he’s a Celtic man through and through. Why is he not in his dream job?”
Being the personal masseuse of Jennifer Lawrence is my dream job. Kris, why am I not in it? Why won’t they let me have it?
“New chief executive Dom McKay was brought in for fresh ideas with Peter Lawwell leaving.”
Thought the club had gone stale, Kris?
“But someone will need to explain to the Celtic people why the same decisions are being made.”
Written with the total conviction of a man who didn’t have the first clue what decisions were being made, who was making them or what the intentions behind them were.
“But as a club we’re talking amateur hour stuff with the amount of dithering they have done.”
A club which had taken, behind the scenes, the momentous decision to give Ange total authority, the authority Boyd opened the article saying he hadn’t got. A board which had decided to back him with hard cash. Which Boyd was wailing they wouldn’t do. A board, which, for all I find fault with them, would take the astonishingly ruthless decision – without dithering of any kind – to jettison McKay himself when the transfer window shut. That might have appalled me in terms of the choice they made, but by God, they didn’t hesitate to do it.
“Even Aberdeen were able to go and appoint a new manager before last season ended and they are the fifth-biggest club in Scotland now.”
Yeah and I wrote at the time that it was a loony decision, appointing an untested boss based on name recognition and that it would end in tears. Guess what? They sacked him within months and they aren’t fifth biggest now; they are currently 10th, fourth place in the “relegation group” whilst we’re champions! So that worked out well, right?
“Celtic call themselves the biggest club in the country, but this whole debacle shows why Rangers can lay claim to that crown.”
Hahahaha! Another prediction which worked out well!
“Gers have had their issues down the years, but they get their business done properly these days.”
Which is why the bulk of their fans spent the season – before the last couple of weeks – bemoaning everything that Ross Wilson and the board had done. Fickle Peepul, but not totally wrong. Their manager has really got that board out of jail with that “European run.”
“But with Postecoglou, he’s got to be wondering if taking this job was worth the hassle.”
Why do I suspect that he has no regrets whatsoever?
“He didn’t have the first idea when he arrived. He can say all the right things about Celtic being a massive club?.?.?.?blah blah blah.”
Boyd again speaking with authority on a subject about which he has not the first clue. Ange, actually, has an outstanding knowledge of football and knew exactly how big the job was and what the expectations of it were, as he had said in every interview before that point and since.
“As if that wasn’t scripted.”
Oh please, you ignorant, biased two-bob eejit.
“But he didn’t know the first thing about life at Celtic and his eyes will have been opened now.”
Is this supposed to be insight? How was he supposed to know what life at Celtic would be like unless he’d already been in the role? It’s like saying “until an astronaut goes into space he has no idea what it’s like to go into space.”
“Alarm bells had to be ringing in his head from day one when he learned he wouldn’t be able to bring in his own backroom staff.”
Pig ignorant to the nth degree. And no excuse for it either as Ange had said over and over again by that point, and would repeat, that he prefers, always, to work with the team which is already at a club when he comes in. All the better to get a good feel for the place. But Boyd again fell back on a lazy half understanding of things and wrote nonsense.
“Maybe that will change soon but it should have happened by now.”
Like numerous other Ange decisions, he has taken his time, evaluated everything and is making his moves in the summer with a successful season behind him. The way total professionals go about their business, in stages, with great care and attention to detail.
“That’s no criticism of John Kennedy, Stephen McManus and Gavin Strachan, who are good guys and also good coaches by all accounts.”
So why exactly would there have been “alarm bells ringing”?
“But any new manager should be allowed to bring his own people with him and that’s not been the case with Postecoglou.”
Spoken, again, with authority … and cluelessness.
“Just as it wasn’t the case with Neil Lennon, either, who is a club legend.”
The one thing he almost gets right, although he doesn’t know how or why. The Lennon hire was a disgrace compounded by the fact that the board was well aware that there were major problems with the idea, and proved it conclusively when they over-ruled him on his backroom choices. The board was entirely right to do that but it raises severe questions over why a guy with such poor judgement was entrusted with the job in the first place.
“But it all points to the hierarchy being fearful of having their influence questioned.”
And yet they had already ceded almost total control to Ange behind the scenes.
“Postecoglou must realise the Celtic job isn’t all he thought it was cracked up to be.”
Utter nonsense. The man was just in the job and just starting to get his ideas across. The first big signings – Abada and Kyogo – were just about over the line. Others would be arriving within weeks. Ange knew exactly how big the job was and he was getting on with it. He may have been a bit miffed that things weren’t happening quickly but he was in total control and was very much looking forward to seeing his ideas implemented by his chosen players.
“Unless things change, it’s only going to go from bad to worse and it might dawn on him that he’s as well packing his bags.”
Not only were things to change, but they already had and Ange and his revolution was just starting. Boyd would not have believed that – or wanted to believe it – even if someone had told him.
The whole article reeks of bias and blue tint. He had not the first clue about any of the things he was writing about. In a media landscape dominated by sheer ignorance, this took the prize for the whole campaign. A piece which got not one of the major points right. Not one.
There ought to be some kind of prize for that.
In a normal profession you’d call it “the sack.”