Demented Ibrox Fan Phone In Anchor Believes Celtic Are “In Charge Of The Rulebook.”

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One of the things I most enjoy – the way some people enjoy cheesy movies, I expect – is dipping a toe into the Ibrox fan’s social media sites in the aftermath of a bad result to sample the anger and the madness. It’s like sitting on a warm day with a cold beer, one of life’s little sublime experiences, one of those things that can always lift my mood.

I read a lot, every day, and I particularly enjoy the writing on some of our quality fan sites. Even when I don’t agree with what I’m reading I admire and respect the craft of those involved in putting the stuff together. They all know their business. They are all sensible, rational and coherent. The Ibrox fan media has nothing that rises to their level.

Tonight, I sat down and listened to RangersRadio. Having experienced the pleasure of it once before, and recognising that its anchors are absolutely unhinged I knew it would be hilarious, and it was.

You would think that I would be inured to the lunacy on their social media sites by now; Hell, I would have thought so too. But they have an amazing ability to surprise me with the most deranged ideas, and the apparent belief that they correspond to reality.

Amidst bafflement over what they are watching – one of them made the astonishing suggestion that The Mooch is perhaps giving his players instructions which are too complicated for mere footballers to understand – they got onto The Goal That Never Was.

I knew that bit would be comedy gold, but I never expected to hear a grown man express his view that “they are in control of the rulebook” and that we have played some role in writing the football regulations in Scotland, and have twisted them in such a way as they only work on our behalf. Apart from this being absolutely deranged in the context of much of what we’ve watched in recent years, it’s clearly equally mad in terms of a plain text reading.

We are “in control of the rulebook”? How does that work?

There’s one copy of the rulebook, and we have it locked in a safe at Celtic Park?

Or we have some veto over what goes in there? And how do we use it? Do we re-write in real time, live, as we go? Is that what they think happened at the weekend? That the VAR guys contacted the ref and said “Rule change”?

Where do they get this stuff?

And we’ve had a hand in writing it? Yeah? So, there’s a not-so-secret “Regulations To Benefit Celtic” section in there somewhere is there?

I’m not even exaggerating this or what they evidently believe. This is it.

They genuinely think that we have manipulated the rules to suit ourselves.

We have, thus, anticipated wholly random situations and have made sure there are interpretations in those rules which always assure that they come down in our favour.

So, what happened with the penalty we should have on Sunday when Kyogo was bodily shoved twice? What about the one we didn’t get in the cup game against Kilmarnock, that last minute decision which went against us?

For people who “control the rulebook” we definitely do let the rulebook screw us over on occasion, which is the last thing you would expect the Unseen Hand to allow.

If we really do have this influence then we don’t use it well. That hand spends more time away from the levers and dials of power than I’m comfortable with.

One caller ranted and raved about the VAR guys being nameless.

Presumably except for their names being published weeks in advance of games, he means?

The one thing we cannot accuse these folks of is being anonymous. But it suits their mentality to imagine four guys whose names nobody knows sitting in the VAR room with their Celtic strips on.

I know I always say that these are mad Peepul but they still have the ability to stun me with their ignorance and paranoia. The idea that Celtic are “in control of the rulebook” is remarkable.

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  • Tony B says:

    Not remarkable. By and large the peepul are astoundingly stupid.

    They are by FAR the dumbest fans in football.

  • Scouse bhoy says:

    The celtic player was in a offside position when he received the ball is that the rule we are in charge of ? .

  • JimBhoy says:

    Who are these VAR people?

    So if you don’t like a football rule you don’t have to belive it is the football law.

    Grown men talking over this crap like a conspiracy that has to be stopped as it only benefits one team, lmao.

    Move on, Nope, sack the manager who has a 3.5 year contract ! Bring in the guy who followed Ange. I wonder if Muscat is daft enough to join and brings in some japanese players what they will think of japanese flags been torn down when some signed for Celtic.

    Beale to picket a big cheque in time to treat his weans at Christmas. Just as well that proposed £20m spend was actually closer to £13m as he stated.

    And what about those Celtic fans disguised as rangers fans fighting in the stands at the end? Shocking !!

    2 pieces of irony in the game, their long ball game gained nothing, when Joe tried we scored the winner and only because of aditional time for the VAR consultancy.. Smile Bhoys, HH.

  • andrew mcdowall says:

    O dear how sad are the newco fans

  • Clachnacuddin and the Hoops says:

    Well McCann was (allegedly) one of us (as in a Celtic supporter) until he suddenly jumped the dyke to Rangers then and Sevco now… And wasn’t he out with the rule book on TV a few times – Or should that be The rule Britannia book given that he’s with BBC Scotland…

  • Scud Missile says:

    One of the klan members on FF blamed the Pope visiting Glasgow and Belahouston Park for all that’s gone on over the last 30 odd years in the Scottish game.

  • Jim says:

    Apparently their Son’s are going to be just like them.
    Stuck in the 17th Century.


    I’ll have to tune into this for a good laugh

  • Mick wood says:

    Is it a possibility c Goodson stopped kyogo shot past butland in first half with his arm.nobody seems to have noticed any need for var on this one.

  • Johnno says:

    Must admit James, I use to enjoy a half decent conspiracy theory.
    Only really a conspiracy theory when the truth can’t be proven or a great cover up of the truth, and been so many within history.
    And yet Scottish football has the ability to throw up so many on such a regular basis?
    Yet we get classed as being paranoid for calling out, what we see happening before our very own eyes.
    Still it’s not enough to stop our Scottish dominance regardless of the obstacles we have to overcome.
    All of this In play and course the Hun mentality has to play it’s part also.
    To say that dopey eejit is as thick as pigshit is a total understatement.
    Would say a few bricks must be missing from the wall? But obviously there’s no wall to begin with in the first place.
    Course the thicks will try to blame it upon a celtic supporter on a whine up, but fail to see how a celtic supporter could have such an imagination to come up with such bullshit.
    Yet we all know that such dopey thoughts are common place for your typical thick useless hun scum eejit on a daily basis

  • king murdy says:

    had to laugh out loud at the image of 4 guys in the VAR studio in celtic strips….
    yea…i love the hun sites when they lose…almost Monty Pythonesque….
    with a bit of luck,,,BR and the team can kick on and get over the poor start to the season…

  • Captain Swing says:

    When they’ve been telling you all summer that you are about to put Timmy back in his box and reclaim your rightful place at the summit of Mount Fitba’ but the wheels come off before the clocks have even changed, there must be some other explanation than that you are a gullible halfwit, your manager is an incompetent fantasist and your team is complete gash….. hence the construction of the paranoia-driven scenario whereby they were stiffed by the great pan-fenian conspiracy conceived at Bellahouston in 1982 orchestrated by Opus Dei, the illuminati and the AoH Lodge in Hampden. They are still wildly oscillating back and forth between stages 1 and 2 on the Kubler-Ross scale (denial and anger). You’d feel sympathy but, y’know, it’s them so …. GIRUY!

    • FSTB says:

      Ah auld ragers radio phone in
      It’s pure comedy gold
      Rabid Robert ,also known as helium heed of the Bristol bar fame is one of my favourites .
      To give him his due though he marked Beales card months ago .
      Good on ye Bobby boy

  • Neil Smith says:

    Not just call in fans demented!!! The odious Gordon Smith in the papers today blaming the lack of Celtic fanx at Ibrox for the vile and poisonous atmosphere!!!!!! The international break could send them over the edge this time.

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