Celtic Fans Are Not Listening To Some Of The Hacks. We’re Laughing At Them.

I saw a couple of headlines today that involved The Village Idiot trying to tell us something. Apologising, one of them said, for getting it wrong about Brendan. How did he get it wrong? Something about him being an upgrade on Ange, as far as I’m led to believe. I have no idea, because I didn’t read his guff. I rarely do. I rely on people pointing me in its direction, and every now and again one of them will. It doesn’t mean any of us gives a damn.

This clown, and people like Keevins, labour under a dire misapprehension; that because they are being talked about in some circles that their words are being read or their statements parsed as though they were important. This is far from the case. If it wasn’t for the ability to copy, cut and paste I would hardly know any of this.

I read almost all the mainstream press on any given day. I have to since I write about them for this site. But there are some who I rely on others to inform me about because I cannot bear them. Keevins is one of them. If I don’t get an inbox full of people asking me if I’ve seen his latest – which is when I know he’s having a breakdown – I never bother with his rambling, shambling rubbish. There are people I know who can listen to Clyde, but I can’t and I rely on them sending me clips from time to time so that I know what’s being discussed on it.

One subject which came up this week, and which I’ll write about in a wider context, is Callum McGregor. I’ll be dealing with Dalziel’s contention that he’s contributing nothing to the team, but only because I hear a lot of general disrespect towards the captain right now and that folds into the much larger point. It’s not the subject of this piece.

No, what I want to do with this is correct a very great misconception which some people evidently have about the Celtic sites and the way we cover these guys, and since The Village Idiot is addressing us today then let me reply and address this suggestion that we are interested, that we genuinely care, about their opinions or think they are important somehow.

Boyd is a yahoo. How does he think he got the Village Idiot nickname? There are things under rocks with a higher IQ than this geezer. Keevins is one of those people who gets stupider as time passes, and that has nothing to do with his advancing years and everything to do with his failure to accumulate any new knowledge or think outside the pitifully small box he’s lazy and comfortable in. These people are not worth bothering about almost all of the time.

But when they lie about Celtic, when they attack Celtic for things we haven’t done, when they twist the things we have done into an unrecognisable shape or produce garbage that reeks of spite or hatred or even just double standards, or when they occasionally believe that they are journalists and start to brag on that, I feel like we’ve then not just got the right but we have the responsibility to comment on those things.

The rest of the time, we’re laughing. That’s the other thing that hasn’t dawned on them. We spend an awful lot of time laughing at them. The Sevco fans have the same issue; they say we spend more time talking about their club than ours, but they’ve failed to recognise that we’re not usually talking but standing gawping, in disbelief, at how nuts they are … or we’re rolling about on the floor pissing ourselves at their antics.

They are a freak show. These writers are the media equivalent of that freak show. And the freak show has drawn a crowd since time immemorial and it draws a crowd today. But once the show is over everyone suddenly remembers they have something more important to do. Because who wants to be in that room longer than they need to be?

That’s why I call these “Kit-Kat and coffee break” articles; that’s about all of my time they’re worth. This one is a little longer because I’m keeping an eye on my bets at the same time as I’m writing it, but honestly, that should tell you how much of my attention this subject actually commands.

I mean The Village Idiot wants to apologise? To us? For getting something wrong, as he perceives it? Christ, him getting something wrong isn’t exactly headline news.

He shouldn’t flatter himself. This is one of those days when he’s said something so ridiculous – the apology, not the clarification, that’s just a piece of stirring – that it requires a clarification of our own.

You are not important, Mr. You are just an irritant, a fly that has to be swatted occasionally. Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking you actually matter.